Time To Wake Up The Nightmare Ends
by CeilingFanCumberbatch
Summary: Olivia Benson went through every mother's nightmare. Rosalie Benson went through a nightmare that lived on. Now, will both suffer more or will they learn to cope with what happened to them.
1. Chapter 1

****** (in creepy Count Olaf voice) Hello, hello, hello! (back to normal voice) Welcome to the sequel of the sequel of A Mother's Worst Nightmare. I am wicked sorry for taking so long to post! I started writing this story straight after finishing TNLO, but my dipshit of a computer blacked out on me just recently and I lost EVERYTHING! Luckly, I got a Mac for Christmas and now it has become my best friend! Yay! But also, I have been auditioning for shows a lot! The next one I am auditoning for is "Gypsy" in february. My acting teacher is directing it and i am sooooo excited! AND i am also on the honor roll at my school! So this year is so far, so good! Let's just hope that the world doesn't end! **

**Just a reminder: Rosalie is british.**

**So anyways, here is the moment you all have been waiting for. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, SVU addicts of all ages...Chapter 1 of Time To Wake Up (The Nightmare Ends)...**

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><p>Chapter 1:<p>

'You are leaving New York' a sign states as Mom's car drives past it. I turn in my seat and watch as New York disappears. Goodbye buildings. Goodbye bright lights and loud noices. I turn back and stare foward.

"I miss Manhattan already," I tell Mom.

"I know...but you'll like New Jersey too," she says, patting my knee.

The reason why we're going to New Jersey, is so that I can go to an inpatient clinic for my eating disorder. Mom says that the clinic is 'the best of the best'...but why there instead of somewhere in New York? I am being forced! This is unfair! I will not go! Nobody can make me go! I turn on my Ipod and blast the music. It hurts my ears, but it makes me feel better. Clears my head. I look out the window. New Jersey looks nice...but it isn't New York. My New York. I didn't realize that I fell asleep because the next thing I knew, Mom was shaking me.

"Rosalie honey? We're here," I open my eyes and sit up straight. I rip out my earbuds in shock. It looked like a hospital...a fricken mental hospital! Cold chills run down my spine. I can't move.

"Rosalie?"

No...

Mom gets out of the car.

No...

She comes to my side and opens the car door.

Please...

"Come on Rosalie,"

I'm not crazy...

"Rosalie, you have to get out,"

I blindly unbuckle my seat belt and Mom pulls me out of the car. She begins to lead me to the hospital entrance. I finally find my voice.

"No!" I cry, breaking away from Mom's grip.

"Rosalie..."

"I won't go in! You can't make me!"

"Yes I can and you will go in," Mom says sternly as she starts to walk towards me.

"I promise I'll eat more. I promise that I won't try to kill myself. Please just take me home!" I wail.

"You have promised all that to me before, but now I can't trust you anymore. You are going in and that's final," Mom takes my arm, but I push it away.

"No! Don't...touch...me. Don't bloody touch me!" I scream, as I start running down the street. Away from the hospital, but the instant that I start running, I feel my lungs begin to burn. Each breath I took was absolute torture...but I have to keep going. Suddenly I feel someone grab me from behind. Mom.

"Let go of me! LET ME GO!" I scream, trying to break free, but her grip was strong.

"Stop...stop...STOP!" Mom cries. I stop struggling.

"I'll hate you forever if you do this to me," Silence. Ha! Point to Rosalie Serena Benson.

"I know...but you have to go in. You have to get better," Mom finally whispers back.

I start to cry. I don't want to get better. I don't want to be fat again. Ana will just pop out of nowhere and she'll torture my mind. I know though, deep down in my gut, or what was once my gut, that I need to gain weight, but I am not Mom who always follows her gut. I follow my head and it tells me the worst things in the world. I turn around and bury my face in Mom's chest. She holds me tight and strokes my hair. When I finally calm down, Mom asks,

"Ready to go?" I pull away from her, and nod slowly. As we walk back to the hospital, I thought, Maybe, just maybe, this nightmare that I have been living, can end.

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><p><strong>AN 2: Most people must of got an email stating that I posted this story a couple of days ago. I am wicked sorry about that. When i posted this originally, the formatting was wicked screwed up when i looked at a preview of it. So i had to delete it and re-post. I hope I didn't cause any confusion. Thanks for reading and review!**


	2. Chapter 2

******(walks into bedroom. In one hand she balances scripts, monolouges, headshots, resumes, and audition notices. In her other hand she balances four writing notebooks, pencils and pens, and Writer's Digest magazines. On her back is a mega heavy backpack filled with textbooks, binders, and school supplies. And in her mouth, is paperwork for 10th grade courses and Rutgers Summer Acting Conservatory stuff. She throws everything on her bed and screams) I HATE MY LIFE! **

**You don't know how sorry I am for not posting in a super, mega long time! As you can see above, my life became wicked busy and crazy. I am losing my mind and I can't believe that I forgot about this story! As I said, I am very very sorry. I hope that you havn't given up on me yet. I'll try my best to post when I can.**

**Enjoy! And REVIEW! Now...time to go to acting class...**

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><p>Chapter 2:<p>

I have made a solemn conclusion. I offcially hate my mother. Do you know what she did? She walked me into the hospital, gave me a hug, and left! OK, so maybe she stayed to talk to people and sign forms, but she instantly ignored me and left me with these total strangers! Didn't she hear the screaming? The crying? That's it...I hate her and will forever! I kept thinking about how much she does NOT mean to me as some overweight, smelly nurse escorts me down this long white hallway to what is my 'doctor's' office. AKA: My phychiatrist. Someone named Dr. Stevens. When the nurse and I reached the office, she knocked on the door and we hear someone say 'Come in'. The nurse opens the door and sitting at her desk, was probably, but most likely Dr. Stevens.

"Hello Rosalie," she greeted me. "How are you?"

"Hi." I muttered back. Maybe I should go on word strike. If I don't talk, maybe they'll give up and send me home.

"I'm Dr. Stevens," the woman told me. "Have a seat."

"Thanks." The nurse goes away as I walk over to a chair that is across from the desk in the middle of the room. Dr. Stevens gets up and closes the door. She went back to her desk and sits down again. She's pretty. Green eyes, red hair, like Casey Novak's, but all stringy with gray bits poking out in all these directions. She gives me another smile.

"You brought luggage?" she asked.

"They took it," I answered, my throat feeling dry and my hands sweating.

"Good. Now...our rules and guidelines."

As Dr. Stevens explains these annoying rules and guidelines, I try to listen, but I keep wanting to dose off. The hospital is called Sandy Beach Hospital. A big laugh considering that we are nowhere near a 'Sandy Beach'. Blah, blah, blah. I meet with doctors, my therapist which is Dr. Stevens, and a dietician. I will be weighed, examined, and evaluated. I stop listening after that. I expect Ana to come out and start giving me ideas on how to not gain weight, but she hasn't appeared...since the 'wrist incident'.

"Rosalie, are you all right?" Dr. Stevens leaned forward. "Do you have any questions?"

I snap out of my thoughts and ask,

"How long do I have to be here?"

"Two months," she answers.

Damn. I guess a detective's insurrance is pretty good.

"I know this is overwhelming, but we'll take it one step at a time," Dr. Stevens assured me. "Why don't we go over the guidelines again? You'll have to sign an agreement at the end."

"Fine," I sigh, trying to stay positive, but right now I feel sick.

***S*V*U* **

Not only do I feel sick, I feel mortified. I am wearing an a ass-showing, thin hospital gown and some nurses are taking notes of me. I am almost crying. I feel so fat, so ugly. I want to go home!

"Step backwards onto the scale, please," one nurse, named Julie tells me and indicates the electronic scale.

Backwards? I do what she says, but I need to see how much I weigh! I need to know! I close my eyes, so I won't turn around and look back at the numbers.

"Okay," Julie the nurse says. "Step down."

I obeyed numbly. I wish that I could go back in time and not have started this eating disorder in the first place, then I wouldn't be in this hell hole.

***S*V*U* **

On the bright side...I have my own room. The door has to be open at all times which sucks because I will have no privacy. There's a window with a good view on New Jersey, but there is a thick, escape-proof screen attached to it. I should figure out a new escape route... Anyways, to describe the room, it has two desks and two nightstands. Two beds and one big closet with lots of shelves. Looks like I will get a roommate soon. My room is also connected to another girl's room by a bathroom. One door to the bathroom on my side, and one on the other side. The walls are a hidious pink. My room at home is painted pink too, but it is a PRETTY pink. I miss home...but not Mom. Definately not Mom...God! Now my stomach hurts! I hate it here, I want to go home. Hopefully there is an escape route somewhere. Today is one of those days where I wish that I was 18...then I can easily check myself out.

***S*V*U* **

Dinner time. One word: Torture. I can't eat. I just can't do it. What's weird is that Ana or any voice is not screaming at me. If I take a bite of something, then they would start with their abuse. I slowly start eating. No talking. No screaming. Nothing. I wonder if there is an invisable gas that goes through the air vents and when I inhale the air, it causes Ana to slowly die into nothing? I feel as if I can eat now, without anyone stopping me. I start eating a little more.

Suddenly I stop. Oh my God! How many calories are in this meal! Is this going to make me gain weight? I gotta stop! Now!

"Your time's up," this dietician named Sydney, announced as she marked down something on her clipboard. I look at my plate. There was a lot of food left over. What was going to happen? Why am I am so nervous?

"You'll have to take an Ensure," Sydney says. "Two of them."

"I don't want them," I answer.

"Tough. Either you eat your meal or drink the Ensure to make up for the calories," Sydney then leaves with my plate. When she comes back, she gives me two bottles of the Ensure. I want to cry again. I don't want to be fat again, and this wasn't going to keep me skinny. I stare at the two bottles. Sydney goes over to another girl who sits at a different table from me. I turn around and notice a garbage can nearby. I smile with a cheeky grin. I open the bottles and look to make sure no one is watching. I zoom over to the garbage can dump both Ensure's into it. I leave a little liquid in one of the bottles, just in case. I zoom back to my table and pretend to drink out of the bottle with the little liquid. Sydney comes back.

"Yummy Yum! Hit the spot!" I lie, acting cheerful as I place the bottle on the table. Sydney looks at the two bottles and then at me. She looks suspicious.

"How can you drink those two so quickly? she asks.

"I was just sooooo hungry, I couldn't put the bottle down. I'm sorry for not eating before...it is just so hard you know?" I keep lying. Sydney finally smiles. Score!

"Well, it does get easier, but you have to start eating real food. You can't live off of Ensure you know," Sydney says. She then dismisses me back to my room.

'It does get easier'. Hell yeah! Easier to lie and not eat!


	3. Chapter 3

******(walks into bedroom. In one hand she balances scripts, monolouges, headshots, resumes, and audition notices. In her other hand she balances four writing notebooks, pencils and pens, and Writer's Digest magazines. On her back is a mega heavy backpack filled with textbooks, binders, and school supplies. And in her mouth, is paperwork for 10th grade courses and Rutgers Summer Acting Conservatory stuff. She throws everything on her bed and screams) I HATE MY LIFE! **

**As I said, my life has gotten wicked crazy lately. It is getting worse as the days pass. Auditions, writing contests, non-stop homework/tests, Rutgers Acting Conservatory stuff, acting classes, drama club...**

**I am glad to be posting right now. Please don't give up on me, I will try to post more often. I just want the time to stop so I can actually write this story and post! **

**So anyways, thank you for your patience and...and IIIeIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOU! (RIP: Whitney Housten)**

**Enjoy! And REVIEW!**

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><p>Chapter 3:<p>

I go back to my room after dinner but I don't stay there for long. There is a Study Hall nearby where all the other patients and I go to do homework faxed in by our schools. Speaking of school, I wonder if anyone knows about my major freakout in school that day? Are there rumors flying about me being crazy? God I hope not! It would be a bloody disaster!

So now I am in Study Hall. I am doing a Science worksheet about Energy. Gag me with a spoon why don't they! I pause and look around the room. There are about 6 girls in the room as well. I am sitting alone until one girl slips into a desk next to mine.

"That was very bold of you at dinner earlier,"

I quickly turn towards the girl's voice. She is wearing a baseball cap, but I see light blond wisps of hair poking out. She also has blue eyes and is very tall. She looks like she could be 16 years old.

"Y-you saw?" I stutter. God! I sound like a mouse!

"Yeah. Pretty smart! Why didn't I think of that?" she says, smiling. Her teeth are yellow and they look weak.

"You won't..." I start, but she cuts me off.

"No I won't tell. My name's Sabrina by the way. Sabrina Carpenter. No relation to Karen Carpenter,"

"Rosalie Benson,"

"So, you're a newbie huh? Well...welcome to hell!" she laughs, smacking her knee. I giggle. This really IS hell.

"I wish I can go home," I blurt out, but instantly regret it. Now I sound like a baby!

"That's what everybody says. Believe me, I'd rather be here than home that's for sure!"

I don't ask why. I'd rather be at home than here.

"So, newbie. If you wanna survive this hellhole, you'll need ME to show you the ropes," Sabrina says, putting her arm around me. "Kayzies, so judging by dinner, you're one of the 'Food Issues' girls. That's what your problem is called: Issues. I'm a 'Food Issues' girl too. There are also girls with 'Substance Abuse Issues' and 'Behavioral Issues'. We aren't called 'Patients', we are called 'Guests'. Nurses are called 'Attendants' Blah, blah, blah, and all that jazz,"

I thought this place was just for anorexics/bulimics. I wonder if Mom knows that I am around girls who do drugs and have behavioral issues? She'd pull me out of there so fast...but probably not. She doesn't care.

A nurse, excuse me, an 'Attendant' comes in and tells everyone to go back to their rooms. Light's out is in 15 minutes.

"Damn. Well newbie, tomorrow I'll introduce you to the other girls. Smell ya later!" Sabrina says, giving me a salute and walking out of the room. 'Smell' ya later? Do I smell bad? God! I quickly collect my school stuff and try to leave the room without being noticed. I accidently bump into another girl who was trying to leave quickly too.

"Watch it asswipe!" she snaps as she pushes past me and runs to her room.

Dang...don't have to be that rude!

***S*V*U***

When I was little, I used to be afraid of the dark. I would scream and cry everytime the lights went out. Night time was the worst though. Mom was there to comfort me...but sometimes she wouldn't be home. She'd be working and Maureen Stabler would watch me. I wanted Mom though...like right now.

I am staring at the ceiling of my room. It must be around midnight. Maybe earlier, maybe later. I can't sleep at all. Even though I keep saying to myself that I hate Mom...right now is when I need her most. She would rub my back and stroke my hair. She'd sometimes sing, but that was rare. She would stay with me until I fell asleep. She would remind me that she would always love me until the stars stop shining...

Tears slowly fall out of my eyes. The thought that is going through my mind is: 'I want my mommy'. I toss and turn, the tears coming faster and faster. Soon I hear sobbing. Loud and painful sobs.

Of someone who is hurting.

Of someone who has a story to tell, but won't let it out.

Of someone who wants to die.

Suddenly a nurse is beside me, with sleeping pills in her hand. That is when I realize that the girl who is sobbing is me.


	4. Chapter 4

******Drama club is officially over. My life is back. I can finally write and post without anyone or anything stopping me! OMG! I have said this before, but I was playing the Principal in my drama club show, and I was the only person who got a standing ovation on opening and closing night. (The show was on March 1st and 2nd). Actually, I was the only person who got a standing ovation period! BEST NIGHTS OF MY LIFE! Now for some sad stuff, I didn't get into the show Gypsy at my community theatre. I thought I nailed my auditon, but I guess I didn't. :( I wanted to be Dainty June...but who cares! They're other auditons to go out for! Like Our Town! **

**Another sad thing. I had summited my story Underground to a Writer's Digest contest and I didn't win. :( Read Underground (one of my stories here) and here's a question for everyone. Should my story have gotten a placing in the contest? From 1st to 25th place, where would my story stand?**

**I will start posting often again...so bring on the REVIEWS!**

**So anyways, thank you for your patience and...and IIIeIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOU! (RIP: Whitney Housten)**

**Enjoy! And REVIEW!**

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><p>Chapter 4:<p>

Since I wasn't asleep like I was supposed to be, I was forced to take sleeping pills. Let's just say that I will go to sleep at regular time and not wake up until the time I am supposed to wake up.

Today is my first day of Group Therapy. I get to meet all the patients, excuse me, 'Guests' here. Insert fake happy cheers. It is going to be one hell of a day that's for damn sure. Maybe if I be silent, nobody would notice me. I'll be part of the wallpaper. Forgotten, a piece of scenery.

The nurses, excuse me, 'Attendents' tell me to be dressed in 5 minutes. Then it would be breakfast, and straight after, Group Therapy. I search through my suitcase. I didn't have much time to pack, so Mom did most of it. She just randomly grabbed mis-matched shirts and jeans and shoved them in the case. Great! Now I'll really look like a freak! As I change out of my pajamas, I can't help but look at my body. I can see some bones, but it is clear that I gained a little weight from being tube-fed for a month. Soon those bones will come back...Wait! What am I saying? In one part of my mind, I want to get better but in the other part of my mind, it still wants me to be skinny. Can't I just think one thing instead of two?

I change into a NYPD t-shirt and my favorite pair of jeans. I notice that the jeans used to fit me snugly months before. now it is loose and falling down. I take a plain belt that was packed in the suitcase and loop it into my jeans, tightening it so that it won't fall and reveal anything. I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. My face looks sickly: bony cheeks, sucken eyes. I used to be beautiful...now I am not too sure...

***S*V*U* **

Breakfast was okay I guess. Ate half of it, was given an Ensure, but dumped it in the trash. Today I actually tried the Ensure. Gross! Absolutely bloody dreadful. Do these people give it to you as torture? Doesn't matter, didn't drink it.

Time for 'Group' as Sabrina calls it. Yay! I get to meet the freaks, excuse me 'Guests'. An attendent escorts me to this large room where there are a bunch of chairs formed in a circle. A few girls are already in their seats. Sabrina is one of them. She waves and I go over to the seat next to her and sit.

"Well, welcome to the place where you tell other screwed up kids your lifes and they pretend to feel sympathy. Nothing special," Sabrina says with a little laugh. After the rest of the kids come in and take their seats, the group leader, who was standing by the door greeting everyone, comes in and sits down in the last empty seat in the circle.

"Hello everyone! My name is Moriah and welcome to Group Therapy!" she says, a little too cheerfully. "We'll first start off by introducing ourselves, Kayla?" she turns to the girl next to her.

"Hi...I'm Kayla..." she says, before sobbing her eyes out. I envy her beauty. Large hazel eyes, light skin without a single blemish, medium-length brown hair with highlights. She wears dark blue jeans, a white blouse and a leather jacket like Mom's, only Kayla's jacket is clearly fake. Kayla has a crying episode for a minute of so before she bites her lip and stops crying.

"My name is Kayla Baker. I am 16 years old. I live in New Jersey. I am an only child. My Mom is dead...my Dad is a drunk, I hate my life," Kayla starts sobbing again. Moriah puts her arm around Kayla and says that she did a great job. Moriah then nods at the girl next to Kayla.

"My name is Cherry Montoya, I'm 17 years old. I lived in Texas for 15 years before moving here to boring New Jersey. I turned to alcohol a month ago, tried to drive home drunk, killed a person and ended up here. That pretty much sums up my life for y'all," she says with a southern drawl. While Kayla looks pretty, Cherry looks scary. Twisted face, messed up blond hair, brown eyes. She wears a purple skin tight tank top, blue jeans with a chunky belt and high-heeled boots.

"Very nice Cherry. Next?" Moriah nods at the next girl.

"My name is Savannah Wilkins. I'm...I'm 10 and I...am Anorexic," the little girl squeaks out. I feel bad for her. 10 years old and anorexic? "I live in New Jersey...Can I stop now? Please?" she whispers. Everyone looks sad now. This poor girl, I want to go and give her a hug right now, but I hold myself back.

"You are very brave Savannah," Moriah says to her still very cheerful. "Next?" Sabrina is next.

"Hi people. I'm Sabrina Carpenter. No relation to Karen Carpenter. I am 16 years old, I live in New Jersey, and I am a bulimic. My Ma had a mega freak-out when she caught me puking my guts out a month ago so I got sent here. This place sucks balls, but I learned to deal with this place's stupid and useless rules. I'm done," Moriah stares at Sabrina for a minute before shaking her head and looking at me. Shit! What do I say! What do I do?

"Um...Hi? My name's Rosalie Benson...I'm 14 years old...I live in Manhattan, New York," Everyone stares at me when I say that.

"What are y'all doing all that way out here?" Cherry asks.

"Do you see broadway shows everyday?" Savannah whispers. I have to smile at Savannah's question.

"Not always," I answer. "Anyways, my mom wanted the 'best place for treatment' and this must be the place,"

"Is your mom a lawyer or someone that gets payed big bucks?" Sabrina asks.

"Close...she is an NYPD detective for the Special Victims Unit, or SVU," I explain. Suddenly a girl that is sitting nearby me, jumps in her seat which gets everyone else's attention. She looks at me with this weird interested look.

"Jane? Do you have something to say?" Moriah asks.

"Like your real name?" Sabrina huffs.

'Jane' gives a death glare to Sabrina. She then turns back to me and we just stare at each other for a minute. She is another pretty girl. Greenish blue eyes, short brown hair, pale skin. She is wearing a blue and white striped shirt and a pair of blue jeans with chocolate brown Ugg boots. A pencil is sticking from her ear. The thing that stands out the most though is a peace signed headband around her head. 'Jane' blinks and then gets a shit-eating grin. Quick as wink, she then whips out a notebook that is under her chair and starts scribbling down something with her pencil.

"Jane put that away," Moriah asks, annoyed.

"Shut up, I'm writing," 'Jane' answers rapidly, not looking up from her notebook.

"This is Group Jane, not free time. Put your notebook away," Moriah tries again.

"Shut up, I'm writing," 'Jane' answers again rapidly, still not looking up from her notebook.

"Just put the stupid notebook away 'Jane Doe'," Sabrina joins in.

'Jane' looks up and gives Sabrina another death glare.

"My notebook is NOT stupid! The stupid thing is you!" she snaps at her.

"I am not a thing! I'm a 'she'!" Sabrina barks back at 'Jane' getting up and confronting her.

"Break it up," Moriah says, standing up.

"I'm going to be a writer one day and writing has helped me deal with having to share a room with a puking loudmouth!" 'Jane' cries.

"You fucking bitch!" Sabrina screams.

"THAT'S ENOUGH! If you don't stop this instant, you two will spend an hour in the Quiet room together!" Moriah cries which causes silence in the entire room. Sabrina marches back to her seat and sits down with a huff. 'Jane' sits down at her own seat, but turns to me and says,

"I'm sorry if I creeped you out. I just find you very...intresting,"

"That's alright," I respond with a shrug.

"She's a good writer," Savannah chimes in. "I've read her stories. They are very good. Can you read one out loud to us?"

'Jane's face turns a bright crimson. She holds her notebook tightly to her chest as if someone were to snatch it away from her any second now. She turns to Moriah.

"We don't have much time for that today, but maybe tomorrow," Moriah says to 'Jane' and everyone else. Savannah looked a little sad, but she shook it off quickly.

"Thank you everyone, you are dismissed," Everyone separates and leaves the room. 'Jane' gives a little wave as she walks down the hall.

"She's a whack," I turn around to find Sabrina behind me. "I hate being her roommate, she has these moments where she would get this eat shit grin and would pace back and forth in our room. Sometimes at night! She even talks to herself while she does it too. Creepy, like she is possessed,"

"I'm sure she is not THAT bad," I respond with a shrug.

"Ha! Well newbie, you still have a lot to know. Smell ya later!" she scoffs, before walking towards the Study Hall. I hate when she says that. It makes me feel as if I smell bad or something.


	5. Chapter 5

******Hello everyone! Hope you are doing okay. Here is chapter 5! Hooray! You will find out a little bit about 'Jane' and other stuff. Hopefully you will like it lots! Nothing new with me, enjoying life and writing more! :D**

**So, I have this idea and I was wondering if this would bring more readers/reviewers for this story. Should I add scenes of Olivia back in New York and how she is doing while Rosalie is in treatment? Please review with an answer!**

**So anyways, thank you for your patience!**

**Enjoy! And REVIEW!**

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><p>Chapter 5:<p>

Apparently I have a schedule of therapys that I am supposed to take while I'm here. They all sound pretty stupid to me. This is the schedule:

_Breakfast_

_Group Therapy AM_

_Expressive Therapy_

_1 on 1 meeting with Doctor_

_Lunch_

_Relaxation Therapy_

_Free Time_

_Group Therapy PM_

_Dinner_

_Study Hall_

_Bedtime_

So right now I have Expressive Therapy. I am escorted by a nurse, excuse me, an 'Attendent' into this brightly colored room where there are other patients either sketching, painting, playing music, or writing to 'express their feelings' as told to me by a therapist named Nora. I look around the room and find 'Jane' sitting at a table, probably writing in her notebook.

"Ok Rosalie, you have a choice of sketching, painting, writing or playing music. Which do you feel like doing?" Nora asks, smiling brightly. Everyone is this stupid place is so cheerful. It makes wanna vomit.

"I'll try sketching," I answer. What was I thinking! I can't draw for my life! I draw like a fricken kindergartener! Nora just smiles her sickly sweet smile as she leads me over to a table. The table where 'Jane' is sitting. I sit down with a piece of paper and a nubby pencil that Nora gives me. 'Jane' looks up frightened, but smiles when she sees me.

"Hi, Rosalie right?"

"Yeah, hi," I respond. "You writing?"

"Duh! What else would I be doing? I can't draw to save my life, don't get me started with painting, and music is not my thing. Now my brother on the other hand, he can draw. Wanna see?" I nod and 'Jane' flips through some pages in her notebook. She then points to a drawing of a princess on one of the pages.

"That's...incredible!" I gasp. The drawing is just so...perfect. The facial expression is impeckable. It is wicked good.

"I know right! That's Princess Ana. She is the nastiest, greediest, ugliest person in all of the world. She makes believe that she is your best friend, but when you do something wrong, she turns into this monster that beats you up and stuff. Right now I am writing short stories about a girl named Kaylee and how she gets sucked into this friendship with Princess Ana and how she now has to get out of it before its too late. Savannah loves these stories. She says they help her with her treatment,"

"Princess Ana reminds me of Ana," I find myself saying out loud.

"Ana R. Xia?" I snap my head up. "How do you...?"

"I kind of figured that out from being here,"

"Say, what are you here for?" I ask.

"Eating disorder?"

"Ha, no! Look at me. Chubba-whubba over here would epic fail at starving herself, and bulimia just ruins your voice. Have you heard Sabrina? Her voice sounds like she talks with a voice box!"

"Why do you hate Sabrina so much?" I ask.

"She's a fucking bitch, that's what! She thinks I'm crazy. I'm NOT crazy! So I pace around my room when I get a story idea. She hates that, but I hate having to listen to her sounding like a hung-over alcoholic at midnight every night,"

Cherry, who is also in the room, shoots her head up when she hears 'hung-over alcoholic'. She gives 'Jane' a death glare before going back to her painting. 'Jane' goes back to her writing and I look at my blank piece of paper. I take my pencil and start drawing triangles. I made a pattern of triangles that filled the paper up pretty quickly.

"So if you are not here for an eating disorder, what are you here for?" I ask.

'Jane' pauses from her writing. She turns to me and says in a low voice.

"Can you keep a secret?" I nod, and she leans in closer to me.

"I am doing a project about hospitals like this, I in fact have no problem. I am just here to interview and collect info for this project. I am just pretending to have a problem. Understandable?" I am now confused.

Before I could say anything, Nora stolls over and checks in on me and 'Jane'.

"Very intresting on what you are drawing Rosalie. Do you have anything to say about it?" Nora asks, still smiling her sickly sweet smile.

"No?"

"That's fine then," Nora then turns to 'Jane'. "What are you writing...Jane?" Nora tries to take a look, but 'Jane' quickly shuts her notebook and pulls it to her chest.

"Nothing you would be interested in," 'Jane' says calmly. Nora sighs, but smiles that sickly sweet smile and walks to the next table.

"So, your name isn't Jane?" I ask.

'Jane' is silent. She shakes her head no.

"What is your name then?"

'Jane' opens her mouth, but suddenly Nora begins talking.

"Thank you everyone, you are dismissed," 'Jane', with her notebook, quickly leaves the room. I follow, trying to keep up with her. I now have a meeting with Dr. Stevens, so I have to go one way and 'Jane' goes the opposite way.

"Wait! What's your name?" I called out to her.

"If you really want to know, just call me C.F,"


	6. Chapter 6

******Hello everyone! Happy Sunday! Why? I am posting chapter 6 today that's why! Yayyyy! In today's chapter, you will find out some secrets that have been inside Rosalie for a long time. I hope you all enjoy it. **

**SPOILER ALERT! (skip if you don't want to know) Olivia is going to have a POV in chapter 8!**** :D**

**So anyways, thank you for your patience!**

**Enjoy! And REVIEW!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 6:<p>

C.F? Well...I'm getting closer to finding out her real name. I wonder what it stands for? Charlotte Farrah? Chasity Francis? Caroline Flora? Who knows? A nurse, excuse me, 'Attendent' escorts me to the Dr. Stevens' office. The nameless 'Attendent' tells me to wait until Dr. Stevens comes out. Maybe when the 'Attendent' isn't looking, I could make a run for it. Suddenly, the door to the office opened and Dr. Stevens comes out. A nameless girl follows her out and the 'Attendent' guides her down the hallway. Dr. Stevens then notices me.

"Hello Rosalie,"

"Hi,"

"Nice to see you again," She says, as she ushered me into her office. "Would you like to sit down?"

I look around the office. There were two chairs and a couch. I think about sitting on the couch, but I choose a chair instead. Dr. Stevens took her seat at the desk and opened a notebook. She smiled at me, another sickly sweet smile.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked.

"Fine," I answered, clearing my throat. Why do I feel so nervous? God Rosalie! Stop being such a baby!

"And how are you adjusting?"

"Okay..." Dr. Stevens made a note in her notebook. "Do you have any questions about anything?"

I shake my head.

"We have thirty four more minutes. I hope we're not going to sit here in silence."

I am quiet. I pick at a loose string on my t-shirt. I hear Dr. Stevens write something.

"So, your mother is a detective in Manhattan. How do feel about that?"

I snap my head up. I am at loss of words right now.

"Alright...I guess,"

"You seem unsure. Tell me why," I think about Dr. Huang. He and Dr. Stevens are similar. By the way they talk. I giggle, which I stop instantly when I see that Dr. Stevens is looking at me.

"I'm sorry...it's just that you remind me of Dr. Huang," I explain.

"Who's Dr. Huang?"

"He's an FBI psychiatrist that used to work for my Mom's precinct. I had to talk to him once a week ever since I was five," I get a little self-concious after saying that. I don't like to tell people about that.

"Why is that?"

"Not to brag or anything...but my Mom is a really good detective. She gets a lot of rapists and murderers in jail, which makes them want to get revenge on her. The best way of revenge? Hurting the most important person in her life. Me. I can write out a list of my attempted murders, kidnaps...rapes,"

I suddenly feel like crying. All the painful and torturing memories from months ago come flooding back. All I can see is...THEM. I have to get out of there! I have to!

"I have to go...I-I'm done with this. I need to go." I try to go the door, but Dr. Stevens gets up and stops me in my path.

"Rosalie, calm down. Let's talk through this," She says gentily.

"I don't want to talk anymore!" I cried, my tears ready to fall, but I beg myself to not cry in front of anyone.

"Sit back down,"

"No!"

"Please?"

I sighed and furiously swiped at my eyes, in case any tears were showing. I dragged myself back to my chair and sit down. I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. Dr. Stevens dragged her chair closer to mine and sits down.

"Now, what was it that upset you? Your mother?"

"No...yes,"

"Tell me why,"

"It's all her fault! If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be so bloody messed up! Ever since I was five years old, I had to be 'protected' by the police because if I wasn't, I could have been shot, or kidnapped, or poisoned or whatever! I hated being overly protected by everyone. Kids didn't want to be friends with me, I was lucky to have one or two friends, but they thought I was a mental case! I hate my Mom! She ruined my life!" I cried. I stop and instantly regret what I had said.

"I...I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologize," Dr. Stevens said to me. "Never apologize for your feelings."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Could we just...not talk?"

"We only have so many sessions, Rosalie. Talking about your problems and dealing with the stress will help you heal faster, but if you don't want to talk, we can do that," I nod my head and we sit in silence. Dr. Stevens goes back to her desk and wrote in her notebook. I felt sick, scared. Like I want to puke. I don't know why I snapped like that. Why did I bring Mom into this? I feel so guilty now.


	7. Chapter 7

*******I'm a terrible person. :( Sorry for not updating. But at least I made the effort in doing so. :)**

**So anyways, out of all the chapters that I have written so far** **for this story, this has to be my most favorite one. I enjoyed writing this whole thing and my mom enjoyed reading it. (And I don't usually show her my writing) I recently read this out loud to my 8th grade English teacher (I'm in 9th grade btw) when I had time to go down to the 8th grade hallways in school. She was the first person to ever read Crash before it went to Fanfic. She has inspired me to be a writer and even took time to read my stories and grade them while I took state tests and whatsoever last year. (The reason why I am talking about her so much is because she recently won a New Jersey Teacher's Award for Outstanding Teacher. She definately deserved it.) To get back to what I was saying, she really liked it and said that she was pretty sure Fanfic would like it too. **

**So Enjoy! And REVIEW! (I won't cancel the story, but I will speed things up if my Reviews don't get higher) Hopefully that won't happen! :)**

* * *

><p>Chapter 7:<p>

I gave in. For the first time in a long time, I actually ate lunch. I don't know what caused me to start eating. Was it the grilled cheese that was in front of me? Was it the sight of the other girls eating? I don't know, but I ate...but I feel so guilty now. I mean, Sydney was happy and I didn't get an Ensure, but I know that that oil-covered sandwich and the creamy tomato soup is going to pack on some pounds.

As I leave the cafeteria, the food is burning in my stomach. I look for a bathroom, but the nurses, excuse me, 'Attendents' have a close eye on everyone as they are leaving. It takes willpower not to retch.

"Hey!"

I turn around and 'Jane', no wait, C.F running towards me. When she catches up to me, she says,

"You walk really fast!"

I laugh and ask,

"Where are you going now?"

"Anger Management, you?"

"Relaxation,"

"OMG! That is the best therapy ever!" C.F squeals.

"Why?" I ask.

"You'll see," C.F answers in a sing-song voice as she goes into a room which must be the Anger Managememt room.

I keep walking until I reach a room with a sign that says in bubble letters: Relaxation. There are stickers of Wonder Woman covering the door as well. I take a deep breath, opened the door, and walked into the room. I felt a brush of relief already and I didn't even do anything yet.

The room is filled with posters of broadway shows and willpower sayings. The lighting was dim, but it gave the room a nice orange glow. All around the room are gym mats and pillows. A boom box was playing soothing nature sounds. The therapist was sitting on one of the mats in lotus position. Due to the orange glow, she looked orange. She opens her eyes and smiles when she sees me. Her smile isn't sickly sweet like all the other adults. It is normal.

"Welcome. Have a seat on one of the mats," she says in a calm, soothing voice. She even sounds normal! I take a seat on a mat that is close to the door. I watch the other girls walk in and sit down on the other mats. When everyone comes in, the therapist stands up, turns off the music, and turns on the lights. The orange glow disappears and I can see clearly on what she looks like. The therapist has long, fluffy dark brown hair and brown eyes. She looks like she could be Mom's age. She is wearing a flowery long skirt and a white t-shirt.

"Hi everyone. I'm Cynthia L. Mason. Call me Cynthia. I will be teaching Relaxation. I am happy to see all of you today. When you are here, you will throw away your troubles and go into a new world. Hence the name: Relaxation. Here is an excercise for today. Everyone lie down on the mats,"

Everyone obeys.

"Close your eyes and let your worries drift away. Imagine yourself in a restful place...like a beach...or a forest. Picture it as vividly as you can—everything you can see, hear, smell, and feel. Visualization works best if you incorporate as many sensory details as possible, using at least three of your senses. Now...what can you see? Do not answer out loud, answer it in you mind,"

I imagine myself in Manhattan. To me, it is my comfort zone. I see...tall buildings with beautiful architecture...yellow taxis zooming by, occaisonally stopping to pick up or drop off people. I look to my left and I see Central Park. Horse-drawn carriages go by. I look to my right and I see food stands that sell the most mouth-watering hot dogs, pretzels, and knishes. People walk all over the place. Bumping into each other. Homeless beggers beg for change and musical preformers preforming on their guitars, drums, or trumpets in hopes to score some meager change. Police officers drive by in their cars. Drinking coffee and eating donuts. Their walkie-talkies squaking. I am home.

"What do you hear in your restful place?"

Everything from people talking, music playing, cars honking. To most, it is annoying. To me, it is bliss.

"What is the weather in your restful place? Is it hot or cold? Is it windy or calm?"

The weather is cold. It feels like a February. Most people are bundled up in coats, hats, and mittens. Others are shivering due to be poorly dressed for the weather or they can't afford anything to keep them warm. The cold breezy air blows in my face blowing my hair all over the place. It isn't annoying. It feels great.

"Are you with anyone in your restful place? A close friend or family member?"

I am with Mom. It is one of her days off from work. I feel proud walking with her. She has her arm around me, protecting me from any crazies that come walking by. She is smiling and I am smiling. For the first time in a long time, I feel happy to be alive. Alive and free.

"Do you taste anything? The air...or prehaps food?"

Mom and I buy hot dogs at a nearby food stand. I have mine with everything on it. I am not afraid of calories or anything. I take a big bite of my hot dog and taste the most amazing tastes in the world. I feel like I am back to where I didn't have an eating disorder. It is amazing feeling this way.

"Enjoy the feeling of deep relaxation that envelopes you as you slowly explore your restful place,"

I am in peace. I am in this realm that isn't fucked up like my life right now. I am healthy and not a skeleton anymore. Mom is happy, smiling as if nothing is wrong right now. We stop walking and Mom gives me one of her strong hugs.

_"I love you..."_ she whispers, her voice like the wind. Before I can answer back, I hear Cynthia's voice.

"When you are ready, gently open your eyes and come back to the present,"

I slowly open my eyes and I am back in the hospital. In the room with the orange glow. I am a skeleton and sickly. Mom is not with me. New York is gone.

"Thank you everyone. You are dismissed," I slowly sit up. That's it? No! This has to keep going! I don't want to leave. I have to though, so I stand up and head out of the room. I suddenly realize something. The food I ate at lunch didn't burn in my stomach anymore like earlier. So far, I think this might be the best therapy here!


	8. Chapter 8

********I suck at life. I really, really do. First, I stopped updating again. Second, I got into another show. (Rebecca Gibbs in Our Town) Normally I would be extremely happy, but most remember that I stopped updating for soooo long when I got into A Christmas Carol, so expect me to be a lazy slump who writes constantly in her notebook, but is too lazy to transport to my Ipad. :(**

**I am in fact finished with the story! YAAYYY! :D  
>Now I need to transport it into Fanfic. Luckily I am updating today! <strong>

**Well in this chapter, we will have a Olivia POV. Hopefully that brings in viewers! I know how much we all love Olivia! Hooray!**

**Anyways, enjoy and REVIEW! Please! If you know someone who might be intrested in this story, or the other stories in this series, please get them to R and R!**

**Here is Chapter 8!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 8:<p>

Well, I figured out some more stuff that happens here in this place. Free Time is when you go to this Day room and have 'free time' like watching tv, listening to music, etc. On Sundays there is a movie night. You can also call family members for 15 minutes. Thank you Sabrina for getting me up to speed with this place. Maybe knowing will get me out of this place quickly. Free Time was okay. Everyone from Group was there. The girl that got to use the TV was C.F. She turned on to 'Great Preformances' and a recorded version of the musical Memphis was playing. All the other girls fiddled with their Ipods or cell phones. Savannah was the only one interested in it. I have seen Memphis at a school trip last year. It was great even though my best friend Lolah bitched about how she wanted to see 'War Horse' or 'How To Succeed In Buisness Without Really Trying'.

"We're going down, down, underground!" I looked over at C.F. She was singing along with the TV.

"Look 'No Name', we get that you love to sing but spare us the pain of your voice. Not all of us sing like you!" Sabrina called out from across the room. She, Cherry, and Kayla were playing cards. Looked like poker to me.

"Well, Vomit Monster, if you stopped puking your guts out, maybe you would be able to sing like me. Fuck off!"

Savannah turns to C.F and said,

"Innocent ears here!"

C.F and I laughed and continued to watch the movie. On a commercial break, I turned to C.F and asked,

"No notebook?"

C.F frowned.

"Was not allowed to bring it in. I have to communicate with the other girls. Oh Jane, honestly that notebook is not a friend Jane. Why don't you talk to that nice girl Sabrina, Jane," C.F says, imitating the nurses, excuse me, the 'Attendents' here.

"I am a nice girl 'Nobody', you are the one that is so bitchy," Sabrina chimes in. C.F groans and turns to look at Sabrina.

"Will you just shut your puking mouth up! Nobody cares about your stupid opinion," C.F snaps at her. Sabrina turns bright red. She goes back to her card game without a word.

"You know...I'm sure Sabrina doesn't mean what she says," I tell C.F as she turns back towards the TV.

"She may seem nice to you, but she is plotting to kill me, I just know it," C.F says shaking her head. A few minutes later, a nurse, excuse me, 'Attendent' comes in and says that it is time for Group Therapy again.

"NO!" cried Savannah and C.F. "Please let us watch the rest of the movie!"

The 'Attendent' says no. C.F and Savannah pout as everyone leaves the room to go to the Group room.

***S*V*U***

Olivia's POV:

I stare at my desk, cluttered with paperwork. I'm tired and I just want to go home. I want to look at my picture of Rosalie, but I know that that is not a good idea.

"You look ready to conk out," Nick says as he sits down at his desk which is in front of me. Nick Amaro, is my new partner, since Elliot left.

"Yeah," I answer, trying to focus on the paperwork. I hope he doesn't notice...

"Is that your daughter?" Nick asks, pointing at my picture of Rosalie that is on my desk. Crap! He noticed.

"Yes," I said, trying not to look at the picture. "Rosalie,"

"She's beautiful,"

"Was," I whispered.

"What?"

"Nothing,"

Silence. Good, just what I need.

"Well, we have good news," Cragen walks out of his office. Fin and Amanda, another new detective, follow on his heels. "The Playground Rapist has been caught and has a 20 year sentence," I try to crack a smile, but it has been so hard to do that for the past few months. "Everyone go home and hit the sack. See you in the morning," Cragen says to everyone before heading back to his office and shutting the door. I pack up my paperwork and try to head out without any of the other detectives noticing me.

"Hey Liv! Wait up!" Crap. Nick, Amanda, Fin and John walk over to me. "Wanna join us for a few drinks before you head out?" John asks. I'd love to join them...but I know that I'll have one too many and start talking random shit.

"Thanks guys, but I really should be getting home," I force a smile and try to leave but they stop me again.

"Baby girl, is everything okay? You seem so quiet and sad lately. Is it Rosalie?" Fin asks kindly.

I feel like crying. I want to say that everything is fine and then make a run for it, but it's not okay! I don't want them knowing about Rosalie's eating disorder...but these detectives are my friends. I want them to know that I am and that Rosalie is okay, but I don't even believe the lies I tell them.

"I'm fine you guys. Maybe next time alright? See you tomorrow," I say quickly as I head out and not stop walking. When I get to my car, I sit in the driver seat, but I don't start the ignition. I let myself cry. I miss Rosalie. I want to call her and hear her voice again...but I know that she wouldn't talk to me. She said that she hated me...but deep down I know that that is not true. She was just mad about going to the hospital. Maybe now she has forgiven me...oh who am I kidding? That doesn't stop me from dialing the hospital number. It is late, but I hope that I can talk to Rosalie before she goes to bed.

"Sandy Beach Hospital. This is Melanie speaking,"

"Hi, this is Detective Olivia Benson. Can I speak to my daughter Rosalie Benson please?"

"Please hold," Melanie says, and elevator music begins to play. I wait five minutes before Melanie comes back.

"The girls are going to dinner right now, but we'll let you have five minutes with your daughter,"

"Thank you," I answer, relieved. There is silence. Rosalie's voice then comes on.

"Hello? Rosalie speaking," More tears run down my face. She sounds like an angel. My angel.

"Hello?" What do I say? What do I say?

"Mom?" How does she know?

"I know it's you Mom...your breathing is familiar," Why am I not talking? Olivia say something!

"Why aren't you talking to me Mom? Are you ashamed of me?" Never! Never ashamed of you!

"Mommy? Please talk to me. Why aren't you talking to me?" I open my mouth, but no sound comes out.

"I don't hate you anymore," It gives me a voice again.

"Rosalie? Baby, I'm so sorry for not talking to you. I don't know what was over me. I'm here now baby. I'm here,"

No answer.

"Rosalie?"

No answer... I have missed my chance with talking to Rosalie. I begin to beat myself up mentally. Did I mess up my daughter? At the age of five, she had to be protected at all times because there were numerous attemps to kidnap, murder, rape, or poison Rosalie...because of me. I bang the steering wheel and let out a cry of anguish. I must be the worst mother in all of New York. I just wish I could go back in time...so I could have prevented this whole nightmare from happening. All nightmares have to end...but why not this one?


	9. Chapter 9

********Hi people! Today is my 1 year anniversary of signing up on Fanfic! :D So I thought today would be a good day to update TTWU and Crash. I am also probably going to post a new story that is a Law and Order: CI story. Yay!**

**Also I just wanted to say how much Fanfic has changed my life since I first found out about this site. I was on youtube and there was a person who was known as BensonFan711 who posted a trailer for her story Lioness that was on this site. I checked it out, fell in love with it, and started looking at other people's stories. Author's like:**

SVU Productions

kiwiapple6

SashaRizzoli (known at the time as .Fanx8x) *Her pen name inspired me with mine.

xXBlissfulCursesXx

Raychel

ladybugsmomma

**Soon afterwards, I created Crash and it took a long time to gather up courage to post it here. When I did though, I got 6 reviews two hours after it came on the site. The rest it history...**

**So, story time is over. Now it's time for you all to read chapter 9 of TTWU (later chapters 10, 11, and 12) and the rest of Crash. And possibly a new story! **

**E****njoy and REVIEW! Please! If you know someone who might be intrested in this story, or the other stories in this series, please get them to R and R!**

**Here is Chapter 9!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 9:<p>

Didn't eat dinner. Didn't feel up to it. Besides, dinner was pasta that was wicked salty and it looked like worms. I don't understand why Mom didn't talk to me. She called the hospital, and asked to talk to me...but why didn't she actually talk when I came on the phone? She is embarrassed by me! She probably is ashamed that I developed an eating disorder. She...hates...me.

It is now bedtime. Everything before that went on, went on like a blur. I am so tired...I want to sleep forever. Once I get to bed though, I am wide awake. I stare at the ceiling, hoping that if I concentrate on it, I would just close my eyes and go to sleep. I did not want to have to take sleeping pills again...but in a way, if I took those pills, maybe when I close my eyes, I won't see...them. Raping me all over again. I run my thumb over a long scar on my wrist which reminded me of the..."wrist incident". If there was anything sharp in this room, I would most likely try to slit my wrists again...and try to succeed. If I slit my wrists though, I know someone would catch me. This hospital is full of security and cameras are EVERYWHERE. At the same time, I think about what I'll miss if I die. I would miss...Manhattan, school, my friends Lolah and Jenna, Times Square, Broadway Musicals, Coney Island... What I would miss the most...is food. I plan out an entire list of favorite foods. Shepard's Pie, Fish and Chips, hot cheesy Pizza, Potatoes, Hot Dogs. Desserts like: Apple Pie, Ice Cream, Pastries, Cookies, and anything with Chocolate! From what all the girls tell me, the restuarants in New Jersey are so simple. The ones in New York are multi-cultural. My favorite is a restuarant called Colors. I remember the day I went to that place.

_Flashback:_

_ Mom took me to see The Blue Man Group off Broadway for my 12th birthday. I remember how much fun Mom and I had that day. The whole show was awesome! All over the auditorium were rolls of toilet paper and Mom and I wondered why those were there. Later during the show, the whole audience got toilet papered! The paper shot out from its rolls and covered the audience with it! When the show was done, across the street was this restaurant called Colors. Mom and I decided to try it out and boy, what a surprise we got. The food was AMAZING. _

_They had homemade potato chips with delicious humus or guacamole as dip. I had this amazing steak with potatoes and Mom had a cheese enchilada. I tried my first Shirley Temple, not realizing that it was just Sprite with a cherry flavoring. For dessert, there was this chocolate cake that had a hot chocolate fudge or pudding that melted in your mouth with each bite you took. I have never tasted a chocolate cake that was this good before! _

_Afterwards, instead of going home, Mom took me to the beach at Coney Island, not caring how late it was! It was so cool outside and the sand beneath my toes was cold, but what a great feeling that was. Mom's long caramel hair and my own same-colored hair blew in the wind as we ran around, playing like four year olds. My own mother, Olivia Benson, the strongest and the most serious detective in all of New York, running around like a four year old was a sight to see! We then fell back onto the sand and laughed until our bellies hurt. When we were able to regain composure, Mom grabbed my hand and gripped it tightly, saying, _

_"Next to the day you were born, this was the best day of my life," _

_"Agreed!" I responded. The night was so clear, we were able to see the stars, shining in the sky. We layed there for a while, just pointing at stars and making up constillations. At one point I saw a shooting star. _

_"Mommy? Was that Grandma?" I asked. Mom was silent. I notice her eyes were a little wet. _

_"Yeah...that was Grandma," Mom answered, sitting up. I copied her and noticed a single tear fall down her olive-toned cheek. I thought that I had made her cry. _

_"I'm sorry Mommy. I didn't mean to make you cry," I said, feeling very guilty. Mom came closer to me and pulled me into her arms. I curled up into them, even though I was starting to get too big for that. _

_"Don't ever apologize my Rosie. It was a terrible tragety, but at least it wasn't you...t-that went to heaven," _

_"Mommy?" _

_"Yes love?" _

_"Promise me one thing," _

_"Anything," I curled up closer to Mom. _

_"Promise me that you'll never go away," Mom holds me tighter. She runs her fingers through my now-sandy hair. _

_"I promise my baby. Promise me one thing too," _

_"What is it?" _

_"Promise me that you'll never go away. Be my little girl forever," _

_"But Mommy...one day I'm going to grow up and be a grown up like you," _

_"I know, but right now...don't ever change," Mom says, her voice cracking a little bit. _

_"Don't cry Mommy," I say, sitting up. "I won't ever go away. I would miss you more than anything in the whole wide world," _

_"I would miss you too baby. More than anything in the whole universe,"_

I don't even realize that I had fallen asleep...

* * *

><p><strong>One more thing! I have stopped getting emails from fanfic. All my alert settings are on and i checked to make sure Fanfic was on my 'Safe List' but nothing has changed. Help! (I have been going paranoid for weeks now that nobody loves my stories anymore)<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

********Hi people! As usual, sorry for the long wait. Things have been a little hectic in my household recently. Tomorrow, I am leaving to go to a summer acting conservatory (Not Camp!) at Rutgers Mason Gross. (In New Jersey for people that don't know what I'm talking about) I will have to submit myself to 7 days a week, from 8:00 in the morning to 11:00 at night, eating, sleeping and breathing acting for the whole month of July. **

**Today I will make sure that I will post some of this story for your reading pleasure.**

**Also, I had to cut down on this story. Originally the story was going to have more about Rosalie's recovery, but nobody seems to be enjoying it. So i am cutting it down, and making it flash foward in chapter 13. You'll get more Olivia, some David Haden, and a terrible incident that shatters Rosalie's life yet again.**

**PS: There will be some Law and Order: Criminal Intent mixed in with this story. Currently I am writing a CI fanfic that will involve that character you are about to meet called Charlie. I will post that story when Crash and this story are finished. **

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW! **

**Here is Chapter 10!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 10:<p>

There was a weigh-in this morning. I gained two pounds. The nurses, excuse me, 'Attendents' still won't tell me my weight though. It's a step, they said, but they want to keep a closer eye on me for a little bit. Goodbye to dumping Ensures in the trash...

***S*V*U* **

Well, I got a roomate today. I go back to my room after breakfast and there she was. Unpacking on the second bed in the room. She jumps in surprise when she sees me, but shakes her head and goes back to unpacking.

"Hello?"

No answer.

"I'm Rosalie. What about you?"

"Charlie Goren," the girl says with a grumble.

Goren? Goren? Where have I heard that name before?

"I feel as if I have heard of you before...I don't know where though," I find myself saying.

Charlie groans before turning to me and saying,

"You must thinking about my stupid mother, Alexandra Eames? Or maybe my father. Robert Goren? He's dead,"

That's it! My mom and I went to a funeral for a him months and months ago. He, his wife Alexandra Eames, and my Mom have worked together before even though they work at different precincts. Mom has said before that Detective Eames has a daughter my age, but I have never met her before. Well now I must be.

"Wait a second! How do you know about my Mom and Dad? Are you a stalker or something?" Charlie asks.

"No! It's just that my mom knows your mom. Olivia Benson?"

Charlie thinks about it for a second before smiling this sort of evil smile.

"Well what do you know? I remember you from the funeral. You look so much different than the last time I saw you,"

"You look different too," I respond, nervously.

"Of course. I'm fucked up. You're fucked up. We're both fucked up!" Charlie laughs, slapping her knee. I don't say anything.

"Oh! So you're a softie huh? That's a surprise considering your mom works with rape victims everyday. Have you seen any dead bodies?"

I shake my head no. Mom hides her case files from me.

"Wow, me I have seen numerous and numerous pictures of them everyday. My mom doesn't care if I see them or not," Charlie boasts. She then goes back to unpacking.

Charlie is a sort of goth. She is wearing all black and red. A black long sleeved shirt with red skulls, a black mini-skirt with red trim, fishnet stockings, and chunky black boots. Her hair is a dirty blond with black hair extensions and she is wearing heavy dark makeup, especially around her eyes. When she finishes unpacking, she turns back to me and looks me over. I get really nervous. Was she determining how fat I am? I expect to hear Ana's voice come out of Charlie's mouth.

"Judging by your looks and your uncomfortable face, you are here for eating disorder, right?" Charlie asks.

I look away and give a small nod.

"Wanna know what I'm here for?"

No, I want to say, but I'm too late. Charlie pulls up the sleeves of her shirt to reveal cuts covering her arms. Some were faded while others were red and fresh. I feel like throwing up breakfast. Maybe I should...

"I have also tried every drug in the book," Charlie boasts. She then asks,

"Have you ever cut before? No reason. Just asking,"

"No?" A lie.

"Hmmm, your facial expression is telling me that you're lying,"

Mom once told me that some people get this 'gift' where they can read people's faces and tell that they are lying or nervous or something. Those people would make great cops or therapists, she said. God! Does Charlie have that 'gift'? I am screwed.

"Come on, show me!" Charlie pushes. "Please?"

Luckly, thank God, it was time for Group. A nurse, excuse me, 'Attendent' came in and said so. Charlie scoffs and sits down on her bed.

"I don't have to go today. I have to stay here for the day," Charlie says.

I don't believe that, but I don't care. I quickly leave the room, not before I hear,

"Bye Ro Ro,"

***S*V*U* **

When I get to the Group room, Cherry is talking to everyone about a girl she saw this morning as she was going for a blood-alcohol test before breakfast.

"She was like this goth girl, wearing all black and red. She was being dragged into the building screaming. Stuff like, 'I'll fucking kill myself if you leave me here!' and 'You are the worst mother in the world. I hope you get fucking shot in the head!' "

That must have been Charlie. I can just tell.

"Cherry, we have a ten year old here," C.F says, noting to Savannah who is sitting next to her, shaking like a leaf.

"I'm sorry, it is just that I don't believe a ten year old would have an eating disorder,"

"Well there was an eight year old in England that had an eating disorder," Kayla whispers.

"Damn," everyone says at the same time.

"Can we please change the subject?" Savannah asks.

Good idea.

"I'm here!" Everyone jumps at the sound of Moriah's voice. The sickly-cheerful sound of her voice. She walks into the room and sits down in her regular spot.

"That's odd...we are missing two girls. Sabrina and a new girl that is starting today. I wonder where they are?" Moriah says with a frown.

Suddenly, Sabrina bursts into the room and into her seat. She looks frazzled and disoriented.

"There you are Sabrina. May I ask where you have been?" Moriah asks pleasantly.

"None of your buisness," she mutters back.

"Probably puking up breakfast," C.F says in a low voice.

"OK, so we have Sabrina now, but where is our new girl? Charlotte Goren?"

"She said that she didn't have to go to Group today. She's my new roommate," I told Moriah.

"I feel bad for y'all," Cherry says, shaking her head. Suddenly we hear loud screams.

"Everybody stay in your seats!" Moriah orders, as she hurries outside. That doesn't stop C.F, Sabrina, and Cherry from getting up and checking outside. Kayla and Savannah look petrified.

"It's going to be alright," I try to tell them calmly. What an idiot I am. I am just as nervious as they are.

"She is g-going to k-kill us," Kayla stutters, pulling Savannah into a protective hug.

"Holy shit Rose, that's your roommate?" Cherry says to me. I jump up and check outside with the other girls. Yup, it was Charlie. She's trying to escape two nurses, excuse me, 'Attendents' who have restrained. A few more of them and Moriah are trying to help.

"Bitches! Bitches! I'll fucking kill you all! Let me go!" she screams bloody murder.

"Go girl go!" C.F cries. She then goes back into the room and starts pacing back and forth, back and forth. I continue to watch until Moriah notices us watching and gives a notion for us to get back in the room. The screams keep going, until suddenly they all stop. Silence fills the room.

"Oh my gawd, they sedated her!" Cherry cries.

"HOLY DINGLEBERRIES!" C.F almost yells. She is now jumping up and down, flapping her hands, and pacing at the same time.

"OK, will someone please sedate her too?" Sabrina grumbles.

"She just has a mega, great idea," Savannah speaks up. Moriah walks back into the room. Everyone sits down and shut their mouths. C.F continues her tirade though.

"Jane...sit down NOW," Moriah says in a angry voice. C.F stops and quickly sits down, but keeps on smiling.

"Now, lets go back to Group, shall we?" Moriah says, sitting back down in her seat.

"We can't just do Group, when something incredibly, mega, awesome just happened!" C.F cries.

"Jane...I am on my last nerve. One more out of you...and it's into the Quiet Room,"

C.F sighs sadly. Moriah checks her watch and sighs too.

"Looks like we have run out of time. Later during Group PM, we will talk more. Thank you everyone, you are dismissed,"


	11. Chapter 11

********Hi people! As usual, sorry for the long wait. Things have been a little hectic in my household recently. Tomorrow, I am leaving to go to a summer acting conservatory (Not Camp!) at Rutgers Mason Gross. (In New Jersey for people that don't know what I'm talking about) I will have to submit myself to 7 days a week, from 8:00 in the morning to 11:00 at night, eating, sleeping and breathing acting for the whole month of July. **

**Today I will make sure that I will post some of this story for your reading pleasure.**

**Also, I had to cut down on this story. Originally the story was going to have more about Rosalie's recovery, but nobody seems to be enjoying it. So i am cutting it down, and making it flash foward in the next chapter. You'll get more Olivia, some David Haden, and a terrible incident that shatters Rosalie's life yet again.**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW! **

**Here is Chapter 11!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 11:<p>

Like Charlie earlier, I snapped too. Not in a pycho way, but in a way where I spilled everything to Dr. Stevens at our 1 on 1 meeting. Here's what happened...

Dr. Stevens asks a question she calls, 'Question Of The Day'. Pretty much, it is the same thing Group does. Only this question is 'just for me'. Gag. Anyways, the question was,

"If you can change one thing about yourself, what would it be,"

I think this question through.

Everything. That's what I want to change. Everything. I tell this to Dr. Stevens.

"Describe, 'Everything'," she asks.

How can I describe everything that happened to me? She wouldn't understand. She is just like Mom. Nobody knows what I went through. Nobody would care...

"Rosalie? You're shaking. Is everything okay?" Dr. Stevens asks, leaning over to get a closer look at me. I look at my hand. I see it shaking.

"You don't have to be afraid Rosalie. Whatever you say will stay in this room,"

_"Olivia had a better ass," _

_"And was much skinnier. Pudgy little thing this is," _

No...no...

_"Pudgy little thing this is...pudgy little thing this is..." _

_"Fat, ugly, gross," _

_"You don't deserve to live," _

"Rosalie breathe,"

I snap out of it. My chest aches and I can barely breathe. It hurts to breathe.

"Deep breaths. Everything is okay," Tears well up in my eyes. I'm so scared. I feel as if Ana is in this room right now, but she isn't. It is so confusing!

"Rosalie, everything is okay. Do you want some water?" Dr. Stevens asks. I notice that she is next to me. I shake my head. When I was able to breathe again, I told her about the Peter's Lake party, the kidnap, the rape...everything. I don't know why, there was no motive of doing that...but I just spilled.

"...and afterwards, I felt so, so, dirty. Disgusting. Everytime I looked in the mirror, all I can see was ugliness. Pure...ugliness...I thought losing weight would get rid of the ugly and make me beautiful and perfect again,"

Dr. Stevens goes back to her desk and writes down a few notes on her notepad. She then pushes a box of tissues towards me. I take one and wipe my eyes.

"Rosalie, do you know what I see in you?" Dr. Stevens asks softly.

I shake my head no. I don't want to know, but at the same time I do.

"I see, a beautiful young lady with so much potential in life. A girl that has gone through the most awful event to ever happen to anyone...and the pain kept piling on. So anorexia became something that was thought to fix everything, but there are other options that can't exactly 'fix' things, but will help you recover from your pain. You are strong Rosalie. I can see that you want to get better and that you want to go home. You are currently in your first month of treatment here and you are doing well. If this keeps going, your stay here will go quicker,"

I grab a few more tissues. Tears just keep on coming. I am not strong. If I was so strong, then why am I crying? This is just coming so fast. I feel as if I am too late and I can't be saved. Nobody can save me. Getting better now, will never happen. Never.


	12. Chapter 12

********Hello? Anyone here? I suck at updating, and I'm sorry times 10. Well I'm back people! As usual, sorry for the long wait. Rutgers was amazing! I loved it so much, and I miss my friends. I hope I get reviewers again. Please come back! **

**Again, I had to cut down on this story. Originally the story was going to have more about Rosalie's recovery, but nobody seems to be enjoying it. So i am cutting it down, and making it flash foward in the next chapter. You'll get more Olivia, and a terrible incident that shatters Rosalie's life yet again.**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW! **

**Here is Chapter 12!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 12:<p>

Dinner time yet again. I stare at my plate in disgust. The salisbury steak, the mashed potatoes, the peas...

Salisbury Steak: 375 calories

Mashed Potatoes: 140 calories

Peas: 80 calories

I take a tiny mouse bite of peas, being the least in calories. It tastes sour and it takes the biggest effort to swallow it. This has been going on for days now. Not eating. Living on Ensures. What happened to me? Why am I scared to eat again? Ana is not here. Still, why are they still trying to make me eat this fat-ridden food? This disgusting, horrible, soaked in calories...

"Rosalie, your time is almost up," Sydney says as she comes by and looks at my still full plate of food.

"I'm not hungry," I respond, not looking at her.

"Tough. You have to eat something, or else you'll get an Ensure," she warns, as she writes something down on her clipboard.

"I'm not hungry! Leave me alone!" I say louder, almost screaming. I want to run. I want to run far far away from this place, from this state, from everything. I try to get up from the table, but Sydney calls out for help and before anyone can say 'Salisbury Steak', a bunch of 'Attendents' are trying to hold me down. My brain goes into overdrive, kicking, screaming at the top of my lungs, thrashing wildly until I feel a sharp prick on my arm and the world goes black.

***S*V*U***

"Rosalie?" I open my eyes slowly, hoping to be at home, in my own bed. Instead I wake up in Sandy Beach hospital, in some sort of a nurse's office, laying on a cot. I look to my left and see Dr. Stevens sitting in a chair next to the cot.

"What's going on?! Wha-" I almost begin flailing and screaming again.

"Calm down, Rosalie. You're safe. We had to sedate you because of what happened in the cafeteria,"

Everything that happened floods back into my memory. Dinner, the freak-out. Jesus Christ, what an idiot I am!

"Have some water,"

A tall glass of cold water is handed to me. No, no, no! It has calories, calories! It is going to make me fat. Fat, fat, FAT! I shrink back like it is going to bite me and shake my head quickly.

I don't want it, I don't need it.

"Rosalie, water does not have any calories. Or fat, or carbs," Dr. Stevens says, still holding the monster in her hands.

I don't want it, I don't need it.

"You're a liar! You just want me to get fat. I won't get fat! You can't fucking make me!" I hiss at her. I shake as I try to hide myself with my arms.

I don't want it, I don't need it.

"Rosalie, it is our job for you to be healthy. To be healthy, you have to eat. Your head may say no, but your body wants to live. To live, you have to eat. We're not going to shove food down your throat, but you have to be hydrated. I am going to leave the glass on the table next to the cot. I'll be back,"

With that, Dr. Stevens stands up and leaves the room. I stare at the door and smile, but before I can get up, Dr. Stevens pokes her head back into the room and says,

"I almost forget. I want you to stay here until I say that you can leave. There are nurses standing outside this room right now. I hope I don't get a report that they had a runner,"

She leaves again. Damn. I look over at the glass of water again, standing there, waiting to be picked up again. I reach over and let my finger touch the glass. I flinch back in surprise on how cold it is.

I don't want it, I don't need it.

I shiver at the thought of my bones disappearing and sight of fat covering my body. It will make me disgusting, unattractive. I would kill myself if that was to happen to me. Mom would hate me if I was fat! Her fat and ugly daughter.

Where are you Ana when I need you. My only best friend.


	13. Chapter 13

********I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I lied yet again. But guess what?! I finally got a new computer! It is a MacBook Pro and it is amazing! The speed is so quick, which means I can post again! Again, I'm sorry times 10. I hope I get reviewers again. Please come back!**

**PS: I FINALLY finished this story after 10 drafts. Now all I need to do is post.**

**PPS: Did you see the SVU season premiere?! Munch got more screen time, Cragen gets a great storyline which he rocked in, and some Brolivia (Brian/Olivia)? Best premiere ever!**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW! **

**Here is Chapter 13!**

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><p>Chapter 13:<p>

I was at work when I got a phone call from Sandy Beach Hospital. They told me that Rosalie is refusing to eat and I need go over there now. Thankfully Cragen let me go without an explanation. I told him what was going on with Rosalie. If Elliot was still at SVU, I would tell him first. I really really miss Elliot. I tried calling him a few times, but he still hasn't answered. I finally gave up because I know that each time I call will be one more missed call and wasted time being passed.

What happened? I would get emails saying that Rosalie was doing well. Eating, and gaining weight. Now all of sudden she is back to before I dropped her off at the hospital. Something must have happened, but what? Or maybe this is Rosalie just trying to play tricks so that she can get kicked out of the hospital. I HOPE that is not what is going on.

This better not be some trick she's playing. She is at that hospital for her health and safety. I don't want her playing any games. I don't want her to be starving herself ever again. I want her better. I want her healthy. I want my baby back.

It takes 45 minutes to get to the hospital without any traffic. When I get there and park, I am directed to Dr. Stevens' office. I feel nervious as I walk down what seems to me, a long hallway. I don't want to hear any bad news.

When I get to the office, Dr. Stevens is waiting outside.

"Detective Benson, thank you for coming," she greets me with a handshake.

"Is Rosalie okay?" I ask.

"We were able to calm her down. She is in one of our infirmaries right now,"

"Can I see her?"

"Yes you can, but first I need to talk to you in my office," she says as she opens her office door and holds it open for me. I go inside and she follows behind, closing the door behind her. She offers me a chair, and I sit down. She then sits down at her desk and opens a folder. There is silence for a minute or so. A chill goes down my back. I know that she is going to give me bad news. I prepare myself for the worst. Suddenly there is a sigh from Dr. Stevens and finally she speaks.

"Rosalie's refusing treatment," she says simply to me.

"Your emails said that she has been doing well," I respond, feeling even more nervious than before.

"Yes, Rosalie had been doing well. Gaining weight back, responding to treatment. After the accident though, she went backwards with the treatment and now she is refusing to doing anything here, even speak,"

"Wait...what accident?"

"Oh," Dr. Stevens takes a breath and says, "One of our patients committed suicide in her room a week ago. She and Rosalie were close. I think that might be the trigger which caused Rosalie to refuse treatment,"

I feel sorry for the parents of that girl. They have probably sent their daughter there for the same reason I brought Rosalie there and now their daughter is dead.

"Detective, this may come out harsh but there's no more we can do for her. Unless she really wants to get better..."

I stop listening. They wouldn't, they couldn't.

"Please! I will do anything. I will pay anything. You can't dismiss her like this! She'll…" I can't bring myself to say the horrible three letter word.

"I'm sorry Detective," Dr. Stevens says sadly, pushing a box of tissues towards me.

But I don't cry. I don't shed a tear. I am instead angry. Angry at Rosalie, angry at Dr. Stevens, angry at everyone in this goddamn world.

"Can I see my daughter now?" I ask, in the calmest voice I can make.

"Yes. She is in the third room on your left,"

I thank her and quickly leave the office. As I march over to the room that Rosalie is in, for the first time in my life I actually want to strangle my teenage daughter.


	14. Chapter 14

********Hello again! Here is another chapter by yours truly. Hope you like it!**

**Anyways, no new news. My english teacher hates me and wants to fail me. God how I hate her...**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW!**

**Here is Chapter 14!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 14:<p>

I know Mom is in the room right now. I don't have to be looking at her to know that. I can feel her eyes goring into the back of my head. I know that she is pissed right now, and she has every right to be. I guess.

"I can't believe you," Mom says in an upset, almost furious voice.

I don't say anything. All I do is curl up tighter in my fetal position.

"I brought you here because of your eating disorder, and you think of this as a game?"

Still I don't say anything. I bite my lip, and let her yell at me.

"Good money has gone down the drain. For nothing,"

I hear footsteps come closer to the cot. I expect her to touch me, but nothing happens.

"You were doing so good. They were telling me that the treatment was working and I was so proud of you,"

That punches me in the gut. She was proud of me? She was actually proud of me?

"Look at me goddamn it!"

I sit up and look at her. She is not crying, nor does she have red eyes.

"I'm going to ask this once. Do you even want to get better?"

I don't even have to think with this question.

"I'm fat. I need to lose ten pounds,"

"Yes or no Rosalie!" Mom bangs her hand on the side table. I flinch back in surprise. The glass of water jumps too.

"No okay!" I cry back.

All of a sudden, Mom slaps me across the face. I gasp as I grab my pained cheek.

"I can't believe you slapped me!" I yell.

"I can't believe you're killing yourself," Mom says in a low, angry voice.

"I hate you," I say in the same low voice, Mom was using. I expected her to slap me again, but she didn't. She instead kneels down and looked straight into my eyes.

"Do you know what I hate? I hate seeing you starve yourself. I hate seeing you suffering inside. I hate how you don't want to get better, but most of all, I hate when you push me away,"

It is so silent, you can hear a pin drop in the room. We stare into each other's eyes for a minute, before I begin talking again.

"I hate it too, but I can't stop,"

"You don't want to stop," Mom seeths.

The venom in her voice shocks me, but it seems to shock Mom more. She stands up quickly and paces back and forth in the room, her hand hand over in mouth. Her pacing makes me dizzy, but I don't say a word. She then stops and I can hear her whisper the numbers one through ten in her hand. When she is done, she looks back over to me and says,

"Might as well go back to your room and pack,"

"What?"

"If you don't want to get better, then what is the point of being here,"

Normally I would be excited to go home, but there is no excitement in me. Instead I feel sick to my stomach, like when you have lied to someone and you get caught. That feeling.

"I-I.." I try to say something, but my mouth won't form words.

"Don't say anything. Just do what I say," Mom now won't look at me. I look over at the glass of water that is still standing there. It smiles at me, making fun of me.

_"You're causing her so much pain, little girl,"_

Ana? Oh my God, she is here! She's come back! My heart soars, but then plummets down. I am causing Mom pain. The sadness in her eyes tells it all. Plus, wait a second. Ana is known to criticize everything about me. All she'll do is call me fat and ugly, like she always does. I want her to call me fat though. It will make me want to become perfect. I want to be thin, I want to be perfect.

As I walk to my room to pack, all I can say to myself is, Ana it is good to have you back.


	15. Chapter 15

********Hello again! A chapter a day keeps my readers happy. (Fail i know) Hope you like it!**

**Anyways, thanks to carriemarie78 for reviewing chapter 13 and Nicole for reviewing chapter 14. Makes me happy to know this story is liked.**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW!**

**Here is Chapter 15!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 15:<p>

The car ride back to New York was quiet. Too quiet. The same sick feeling that was in my stomach earlier is now stronger than ever. I look out the car window and watch New Jersey disappear. Soon we go through the Holland Tunnel, and in no time, we are back in New York. Normally I would feel so much better to be back home, but not today.

_I knew what was going on. I knew what she was going to do. I could have saved her. I could have...I could have..._

Suddenly the car stops and I realize that we're home. Mom finally looks at me for once. I notice that her eyes are red, but she isn't crying. She just stares at me. I turn away from her and just stare straight ahead.

"She is looking at the hand shaped mark that she left on your cheek," Ana says.

My cheek is still stinging from being slapped. Mom has never slapped me in my life. Even when I was little and would misbehave, she would never lay a hand on me.

"Rosalie, what I said and did at the hospital..."

"It's fine," I quickly respond.

"No it's not. I was mad, but slapping you went too far. My own mother did that to me when I was your age and when you were born, I promised myself that I would never do what my mother did to me. I broke that promise right there..." Mom says, but fades out. She pounds the steering wheel with her hands and looks away from me again.

"Boo hoo, what a sob story! Get yourself out of this Rose, make an escape. FAST," Ana orders.

I go to open the car door, but Mom quickly locks the car doors.

"I want an explanation Rosalie. I want to know what happened. All I know from Dr. Stevens is that one of the patients you were friends with killed herself. Now I want to hear your side of the story,"

I don't want to. I don't want to remember it. _I could have done something..._

I_t all started when C.F lost her notebook. She said it was next to bed the night before and when she woke up the next morning, it was gone. The blame instantly went to Sabrina, although she kept saying that she didn't take it. She became so distant after that. All her time went into finding that notebook. I helped her out by searching too, but that damn notebook was nowhere in sight. Two days later, the notebook still did not show up. She changed into this quiet and sad person. Nothing could cheer her up. Although the 'Attendents' gave her a new notebook, she wasn't happy._

_We were at Study Hall when she came up to me and asks,_

_"Have you ever thought about dying?"_

_I stared at her shocked. Dying? Yes, I have but why would she be asking me this? I don't answer her, so she says,_

_"It sounds nice,"_

_I knew something was wrong. I knew it, I knew it. I should have told someone, I should have...because the next morning she was found dead in her room. She broke a lightbulb and used the glass to slit her wrists in the bathroom. I didn't see it, but when I found out from the 'Attendents', I was still affected._

_I could have told someone. I could have stopped this from happening. If only I wasn't so blind. She wouldn't be dead.__  
><em>

"Rosalie?"

I snap out of it and remember that I was still in the car, with Mom waiting for my explanation. Shit.

"I'm waiting," Mom says, staring at me.

"Try to run Rose! Run!" Ana cries.

I don't say anything. I don't even look at her. Mom sighs and a second later, she unlocks the doors of the car.

"Fine Rosalie. Don't even talk to me. Cut me out if you want to. I don't care anymore," Mom gets out of the car and walks into the building. I continue to sit in the car, feeling even more guilty.

"Feeling sorry for yourself isn't going get you skinny! Now get out of the car and you're going to use the stairs to get to your apartment!" Ana commands.

I do what she says. If I want to lose weight, I must listen to her. All I can think about is Mom and what she said. Does she seriously mean every word? It makes me feel awful...but oh my God, if she is not going to care about what I do, I can excercise and not eat without having to worry about her getting all up in my ass about it. This is a wonderful miracle! I smile, and finally get out of the car. I don't even fight with Ana and her orders. I'm so glad to be home!


	16. Chapter 16

********Hello again! Decided to take a little break. School is a killer. Plus with PSAT's coming up, YIKES! Doesn't mean posting is going to stop! XD**

**Anyways, thanks to everyone who reviewed. Makes me happy to know this story is liked.**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW!**

**Here is Chapter 16!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 16:<p>

My happiness soon leaves me and is replaced with depression, as I lay on the ground, doing situp after situp with Ana screaming the same quote over and over.

"Starvation is control. Control is tough. Bones are beautiful, When "skinny" just isn't enough!"

I tried to eat tonight. I really tried, but not eating an actual meal for so long is so normal now. Each time I look a bite of dinner later that night, the food would stick to my tongue like glue and it would take strength to swallow it. I forced myself to eat the salmon and mixed vegetables Mom made for dinner. I gagged with each spoonful of food, while Mom just watched me with silent eyes.

That is why Ana has me burning off the calories I was able to stomach. She says that I was weak. Weak for eating. Weak, weak, weak.

"Keep going and when you're done, one hundred pushups!" Ana snaps at me.

I'm so tired. I want to sleep forever after this...

This is going to be a long night.

***S*V*U***

Olivia's POV:

I hit my daughter today. I actually hit my daughter. I can't stop thinking about it. I was so mad, but I never wanted to do that.

I want to run into her room and hold her in my arms, telling her how sorry I am...but I can't bring myself to move. I just sit on my bed, downing a glass of vodka. My 2nd glass of vodka.

I never drink at home. Never. But while Rosalie was away at the hospital, work and my constant worry leads me to grabbing the bottle every night.

Holy shit! What if I am turning into my mother?! I instantly stop drinking and start pacing. What am I doing to myself? I need to stop this...before I really do become my mother.

I stop. Other than my pacing, it is quiet. Too quiet. What is Rosalie doing? I don't trust her with anything anymore. I should go check on her...on the other hand, she is probably just sitting in her room waiting to die. Well if that is what she is doing, then she can go right ahead and do it, cause I don't give a fuck anymore.

I try to get myself to move, but all I can do is stand there and look at the wall. Then at the door.

Wall.

Door.

Wall.

Door.

Oh for Christ's sake! I quickly leave my room and head next door to Rosalie's room. I don't even knock on the door as I barge into the room. I find Rosalie laying on the floor, eyes closed.

Oh no...

God I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

My heart goes in my throat, as I run over and check her pulse. Normal.

"Rosalie?!" I cry.

Instantly her eyes open and she quickly sits up.

"What's wrong? What's going on?" she asks, rubbing her eyes.

"What the fuck were you doing?! I thought you were dead!" I scream.

"I must have fallen asleep..." Rosalie tries to say, but I don't let her finish.

"Don't scare me like that again! I may have said that I don't care about whether you starve yourself or not, but I still fucking love you!" I keep screaming.

Rosalie hangs her head and looks as if she is going to tear up, but all of a sudden, she shoots her head up and glares at me.

"Oh give me a break! You already told me earlier that you don't care anymore so just leave me alone in my misery," she snaps as she gets up and tries to leave the room, but I grab her wrist to stop her.

"If you're in misery, then why don't you stop?" I ask.

"It is not that easy, now let go of my wrist," Rosalie growls as she tries to pry her wrist away. I don't let go.

"Let go of my wrist!" she yells. "You're hurting me!"

I instantly let go. She holds it to her chest and I begin to worry that I broke her wrist. I go over to her, but she backs away.

"Don't! Just go away," she says.

I don't say anything, I just hold out my hand. Rosalie looks at it, and holds out her wrist. I check to see if I did any damage. Her arm is so scrawny, I can see the bone almost. Luckily it isn't broken. Rosalie doesn't look at me. She just holds her wrist to her chest again. Suddenly I hear her whisper,

"I'm hungry,"

Did she say...what I thought she said?

"I'm bloody hungry Mom. I'll eat anything," she says louder.

My jaw almost drops to the ground. Is this some sort of miracle or something? I think it is!

"What do you want? I'll make whatever you want," I tell her, my excitement bubbling in my voice.

"Anything! Just get me whatever you have," she says.

I hurry out of her bedroom and into the kitchen. I think she might actually get better now! Oh God, I hope that is true!

***S*V*U***

Rosalie's POV:

"ARE YOU FUCKNG KIDDING ME?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" Ana screams, horrified by my outburst of hunger. I don't know what made me say it, but I am actually hungry. Yet...I am furious at myself for letting myself say that. Mom is probably going to make me something full of fat and calories and expect me to eat it.

"Now you're going to have to eat when she makes the food! What did I tell you before huh? She is making your life miserable. She is a stupid bitch who thinks she knows everything but doesn't! I know everything, but nobody ever listens to Ana. Nope, I am Ms. Cellophane. Nobody knows I am around!" she cries, ranting and raving. A light bulb lights up in my head.

"I know what to do. I'll pretend that I am all of sudden wanting to get better. Mom will get off my case, so I can do whatever I want. Then when she isn't looking, I will hide the food somewhere to get rid of it and make it seem like I ate,"  
>Ana thinks about it for a second. Finally she says,<p>

"I like it. I know it will work,"

"By the way, my mom is NOT a stupid bitch," I add, pissed off by that comment.

"So_rr_y. It is what I think of her,"

Suddenly, the room smells of food and Mom calls me to the kitchen.

"Make me proud Rosalie!" Ana calls out as I leave my room and head to the death of me.


	17. Chapter 17

********Hello again! I should be in school right now, but the germ pool that goes by the name of school has got me sick at home. Tis the season, everybody wash your hands!**

**I'm supposed to be doing homework, but I thought that since I am on the internet, why don't I post some chapters? You're welcome...**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW!**

**Here is Chapter 17!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 17:<p>

A week has passed. My lying and food hiding has been going well. Mom doesn't suspect a thing. Perfect. Everything is perfect.

"Except for you!" Ana says in sing-song voice.

Except for me. I am not perfect. I am still fat and ugly no matter how much weight I have lost. I am down to 85 pounds. I am not impressed. I need to lose more. More and more of my slobby disgusting fat.

"Fat and ugly pig-face! Fat and ugly pig-face!" Ana chants, skipping around me, smiling the whole time.

It is dinner time. I try to eat the food that is in front of me, but it is so difficult. I need to follow my plan, but I can't take doing it anymore.

"Quitter! Quitter!" Ana whispers in my ear. I can feel a smile in her voice.

Maybe I can pull the sick excuse. I'll say I have a stomach ache and go to my room. Easy as that.

"Rosalie, are you okay?" Mom asks, noticing my almost untouched plate. Crap.

"I'm not feeling well," I answer, pushing the plate away.

"Well, you should eat something. Do you want something else?" Mom asks, her concerned face beginning to show.

"No, I feel sick," I said simply.

"You don't have that choice honey, you have to eat,"

"Please?" I whisper, regretting it instantly.

"Is something wrong sweetie? Please tell me if there is something wrong," Mom says, coming over to me. She touches my shoulder with her hand, but I shake it off.

"Don't touch me!" I cry, standing up and trying to get to my room, but Mom stops me. Suddenly the world starts to spin. I grab onto the table and try to keep myself upright.

"Rosalie? What's wrong? Rosie?!" Mom runs over to me. I blink a few times, trying to get the dizziness to go away. It sort of does.

"I'm fine," I say quickly.

"No you're not. Come over here," Mom guides me over to the couch in the living room and I slowly sit down. She kneels down to my level and checks my pulse. I let out a bored sigh as I let her check me over.

"You're pulse is racing," Mom walks back to the kitchen and heads over to the fridge. She comes back a minute later with a glass of orange juice.

"Drink this,"

Orange Juice: 110 calories

"No,"

"Rosalie, you need to bring your blood sugar up,"

Probably got that from Dr. Warner or Huang. I take a sip of juice. It feels like acid going down my throat.

Orange Juice: 110 calories

Orange Juice: 110 CALORIES!

"I can't...please don't make me," I cry as a I try pushing her hand away. Try to push away the bad feelings, the bad memories...to push away everything...

"You have to baby...please try for me?" Mom says as she ever so gentily brushes the hair from my face and pushes the glass of juice towards me.

"Go ahead fat ass. So what if you live, you'll live to be old and ugly and FAT for the rest of your life! Your life is nothing. You are nothing!" Ana says sitting on the other side of me smirking.

"No...No," I whimper. "Go away," Tears stream down my face, tasting of salt and calories.

"Honey, I'll never go away," Mom says. "I'm staying with you,"

I pick up the glass of juice again. My hand is shaking. I take a small sip. Fire sears down my throat when I swallow.

I try to take another sip, but I can't do it. I can't. I let out a cry in anguish. Mom sighs and stands up. She grabs her keys from the table and goes to get her coat from the closet.

"What are you doing?" I ask, confused.

"Taking you to the hospital," Mom says, not looking at me.

"Rosalie! You can't let her take you there! They'll make you go to New Jersey again! They'll get rid of ME!" Ana cries shaking my shoulders.

"No! Why?!" I cried.

"You aren't eating. If I take you to the hospital, there the doctors will get you to eat or they would insert a feeding tube," Mom explains sternly, looking at me with her hands on her hips.

"Horror! Unless you want to get fat again, try to escape! DO SOMETHING!" Ana screams.

I leap up and run back into the kitchen. I grab my dinner plate. The food is cold, but I don't care. I start shoving the food in my mouth, but at the same time making sure I don't swallow any.

"Look! Rosie's eating! For bloody Christ sakes, I'm fucking eating!"

I nearly throw the plate back on the table and make a beeline to my room. I hear Mom call after me, but I ignore her. I go to my room and slam the door. I go straight to my bed and curl up under the blankets.

"I'm impressed Rosalie. Shoving food in your mouth, but not swallowing a morsel," Ana suddenly says as she sits on the edge of my bed. I let out a sob and bury my face in my pillow. Ana strokes my arm and says,

"Hush now. I'm right here. I'll ALWAYS be here when you need me. I'm your best friend. Best friend til the end,"


	18. Chapter 18

********Hello again! Decided to post another chapter for today.**** You're welcome...**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW! (please?)**

**Here is Chapter 18!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 18:<p>

_"Didn't think you'd see me again," Richard says, his gun aimed at Mom. Fear fills my body. No...they can't._

_"Please don't hurt her! If you want to hurt someone, hurt me!" I beg. I didn't want Richard or Harris hurting Mom. I know that she would do anything to protect me, but I didn't want to be protected. They have already killed me..._

_"Rosalie, shush," Mom says through clenched teeth._

_"No Mom. I won't shush," I respond. I then turn to the men. "All you two want to do is cause trouble. If you kill a detective, you'll be in deep trouble...but if you kill me...it would be less trouble,"_

_"You hearing this? She wants us to kill her!" Harris laughs._

_"You touch my daughter, you're dead," Mom threatens, blocking me from them. I was getting annoyed by Mom's presisting worry. Why does she have to save me? I don't need to be saved. Not anymore._

_"Mom stop! Save yourself!" I cried._

_"If you were a good mother, you would listen to your daughter and 'save yourself'," Richard says. Oh God..._

_"You son of a bitch!" Mom snarls, charging towards him. Richard whacks her in the face with his gun. I watch as he attacks her and listen to her agonizing screams. _

_I can't help but cry. Mommy...Mommy... I see her trying to move over to me, but Richard grabs her and pulls her up, pulling her away from me. I need to come up with an idea. To get their attention away from Mom and get the attention to me. Richard then holds his gun to Mom's head, and a idea finally comes bursting in my head._

_"Hey you! That gun is supposed to go to my head! Leave her alone, she didn't do anything!"_

_Harris storms over and says,_

_"Shut up you little bitch,"_

_"What? Are you chicken? You scared because I'm a child? What kind of person are you?" I start, but got a response. A punch in the face. It hurt...a lot._

_I hear Mom scream in terror, but that doesn't shut me up. I have to keep going..._

_"Is that all you got? Just a punch? You really are a chicken!"_

_That throws Harris off the deep end. He grabs Mom's gun that is still laying on the ground and aims it at my head. I wasn't expecting that at all...but I'm glad...I can finally die and not be in pain anymore._

_"Go ahead...DO it!" I taunt. Harris smiles a horrible smile and cocks the gun. I turned to Mom one last time. She is crying, her eyes terrified. I mouth to her 'I love you'. I then turn away and stare at Harris. I prepare myself for the loud sound of the gun. My death. I take a deep breath and count back from 5..._

_4..._

_3..._

_2..._

_'BAM!'_

I shoot up in bed, shaking and in a cold sweat. The nightmares are back. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Now that I am up, I can't fall back asleep. I toss and turn, wanting to sleep...but my eyes are wide open. Especially in a thunderstorm. I hate thunderstorms. I used to be scared of them when I was little, but even today, I still get a bit nervous when the thunder strikes.

I'm hungry...very hungry. If I try to think about that though, Ana in my mind says,

"Bad Rosalie. Think about being skinny, not food,"

I look over at my alarm clock. It is 1:30 in the morning. I want to sleep, but since I'm awake, I might as well do something...but what? I get out of bed and tiptoe out of my bedroom. I go into the bathroom and lock the door. Turning on the light, I quickly, but quietly un-rig the scale and get on.

85 pounds.

"That's okay...for a start. If you get down to '75' pounds, it would be so much better!" Ana says.

I smile. 75 pounds would be nice. Maybe even lower. I rig the scale again so that the numbers would be much higher the next time I step on the scale. A big blast of thunder booms and the light goes out. I start to shake. I'm now really getting nervous. I unlock the door and open the door. I run back to my room and jump into bed. I cover myself in blankets, hoping that they would protect me from the monster outside.

***S*V*U***

Olivia's POV:

I can't sleep. I toss and turn, wanting to sleep...but my eyes are wide open. Especially in a thunderstorm. I know that Rosalie is afraid of thunderstorms. When she was a little girl, she would run into my room crying whenever there was a thunderstorm. She used to call it the 'Monster' who wanted to hurt her. I would hold her in my arms and tell her that I would protect her from the 'Monster' because nobody would ever dream of hurting her when she was with me.

Sometimes I wish that Rosalie was a little girl again.

The way Rosalie was at dinner told me that the eating disorder is back. A glass of juice, and she thought it was cyanide or a bomb. All I can say is...why? Why did it come back? She was getting healthy and so much better. Come to think of it, she looks much worse. This is worst I have seen. She isn't eating. I know it. She must be hiding food in her room or throwing it out when I'm not looking.

Why am I so blind? Why can't I see that this disease has stolen my daughter and replaced her with someone new? I should do something. She needs to go back to the hospital. Fast. Not right now, but soon. I can't let her kill herself. She is too young to die. I cringe at the thought of my baby dying. It would kill me to be planning a funeral for a fourteen year old. I cringe again.

I get out of bed. I need to go check on her. She might need me. I need to know that she is safe.

***S*V*U***

Rosalie's POV:

"Rosalie, it's going to be okay. Just think that the thunder...is...the Gods yelling at you for not being skinny enough!" Ana says, trying to comfort me.

That is NOT comfort! That is torture! I plug my ears in an attempt to block out her voice, but I can still hear her.

"Rosalie!" Ana's voice booms, only she is now trying to sound like the Gods. "We are disappointed in you because you are only 85 pounds!"

"Stop it!" I whimper. "Stop it!"

"Stop being a baby. You know you need to do better so that you can be perfect! Grow up!"

Stop...

"GROW UP!"

"STOP!" I scream, shooting up in bed. I shiver as a boom of thunder sounds. I lie down again and wrap myself in the blankets tightly. Tears stream down my cheeks, wetting my pillows. I have disappointed Ana and the Gods. They are mad at me for being so fat. So ugly. I hate myself, I hate myself. I wish I could just go away. I hate myself, I hate myself.

Suddenly, my bedroom door opens. I pretend to be asleep. I hear footsteps tiptoe towards my bed. I hold my breath. I then feel someone stroking my hair. Mom.

"Just wanted to check on you," Mom whispers. "I remember that you used to be afraid of thunderstorms,"

I relax. No stranger coming to get me. Just Mom.

She leans down and kisses me on the cheek. I then hear a sigh and footsteps heading to the door. I quickly sit up. Mom turns around and looks at me.

"Mom? Can you stay with me?" I ask.

"Baby! Baby! BABY!" Ana's voice screams in my ear.

Mom nods and walks back to me. She sits down at the edge of the bed. I pull my knees to my chest and whisper,

"Do you hate me?"

"Hate you?! Baby, I would never hate you! Come here," Mom says shocked as she holds out her arms, expecting me to crawl right into them. I would have done so, but Ana's voice says,

"What are you? Six years old?! Grow up you big baby!"

So I scootch away from her. Mom looks wounded as she drops her arms back down.

"Baby, please don't shut me out. I don't want you to battle this alone. You need to get help, and I'll make sure that this time, it will be different. A new hospital, in New York if I can, a new everything," Mom pleads.

"No! Don't listen to her!" Ana cries.

I quickly shake my head. I feel Ana's smile.

"Good girl,"

"Why Rosalie? Why don't you want help? You'll get better," Mom adds, still pleading.

"You'll get FAT!" Ana says, screaming at 'Fat'. "Rosalie, she doesn't know anything! Ignore her! Or better yet, run!"

I don't want to run. Nor ignoring Mom. I'd rather sleep now, but I'm still wide awake instead.

"Rosie, I am so scared. I don't want you to hurt yourself again. Tell me what is on your mind. Tell me if anyone is hurting you or if anything is going on. Baby girl, I will do whatever it takes in my power to make you happy and safe. I promise," Mom begs.

"You won't understand," I growl. Ana smiles even bigger.

"Keep going!" she cheers.

"Then help me understand!" Mom cries in anguish.

"No!" I yell. "Get out of my room,"

"You told me to stay with you,"

"Not anymore!"

Mom leans closer in to me. She is tearing up.

"Rosalie, all I want is for you to get better,"

"Well I don't want to get better! I have to be perfect! I _must_ be perfect!" I scream.

Mom goes to stroke my cheek, but I bite down on it. Mom yelps in pain.

"Please just go away! Go away!" I wail. I bury my face in my pillow and scream, hoping that she will actually leave. After about a minute, I stop and look up. There is no one here. Mom's gone.

Good.

I suddenly feel like sleeping now. Sleeping forever. I close my eyes and hope that sleep would overpower me and take me faraway.


	19. Chapter 19

********Hello again! Guess what? The story is almost finished! I still have this chapter, Chapter 20 and a Epilogue to go. Let's knock them out of the ballpark!**

**Here's a fun fact for y'all: One of the guest stars on tonight's SVU (Roger Bart) is a broadway actor who won a Tony award for his performance as Snoopy in You're A Good Man Charlie Brown. **

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW! (please?)**

**Here is Chapter 19!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 19:<p>

"Psst! Rosalie!"

I open my eyes.

"Wake up you lazy fat ass!"

I sit up slowly in bed. Leaning over to look at my alarm clock, I see that the power must have come back. The numbers read 5:45.

"It's time for your daily run, so hop to it and get dressed. You don't want your mother to wake up,"

I don't want to run. I want to sleep more. I try to move, but I can't bring myself to do so.

"Ahem. You're not moving! Hup two, hup two!" Ana says impatiently.

I force myself out of bed. God, I feel so dizzy.

"Come on you fat slowpoke! Chop! Chop!"

I can't move. I grab the door handle to keep myself up. My whole body is hurting. My legs are Jello. Jello...I used to love that food.

"Rosalie Benson! You are fat enough! Stop thinking about Jello!"

I try to move, but I feel as if I will fall if I let go of the door. I let go and walk like an old person to the bathroom, stopping every few moments to grab the wall. When I get to the bathroom, I feel like I ran a marathon.

"Dear God Rosalie! It is not that hard to get to the bathroom from your bedroom!" Ana cries.

I turn on the light and head toward the scale. I step on, but my eyes get blurry and I can't see the numbers.

"84 pounds Rosalie. Remember thinner is the winner!"

I want to cry. I get off the scale and look in the mirror. My skin is disgusting. Yellowish almost. My cheeks are sunken. There are dark circles under my eyes. My hair is thin, and dull. I looked exhausted. As though at any moment, I was going to just fall apart.

I grab my hairbrush and start running it through my hair, but when I look at the brush, chunks of hair had come out. I grab a handful of hair and give it a tug. That hair came out. I threw the hair into the sink and stare at it in utter shock. I'm losing my hair. Holy crap, I am losing my hair! I let out a cry and fall to the floor.

"Shh!" Ana snaps.

I can't breathe. I stand up and run out of the bathroom. I get dizzy again. I grab the wall and wheeze.

"Dear God, get ahold of yourself!" Ana cries. "It is just hair!"

"My hair!" I cry back.

"Shut up! Hair grows back!"

I can't take it anymore. I am through with this. I want my fat to be gone NOW. How though? What would be the quickest way of getting rid of fat without all the starving and whatever. Before, I was able to handle everything, now I can't deal with it. I want my fat GONE. Then...I got an idea. A quite good idea. Something that sounds bad, but to me it is good.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Ana says, a smile on her face.

I quickly run to the kitchen and head over to the knife drawer. I open it up and pull out the sharpest knife in the drawer. A steak knife.

"Do it! Do it!" Ana chants.

I grab a dish towel and stuff it in my mouth. I lift my shirt up and lower the knife toward my stomach. My fat stomach. I can get all the fat out with the knife. Then I'll be skinny. I'll be perfect.

Suddenly, my bedroom door opens and Mom comes out. She looks at me in horror. I stare at her in shock. Mom slowly walks toward me saying something, but I can't hear her. I feel Ana say something, but I can't hear her either.

Everything seems to be going slowly, as if I'm watching a slideshow. Mom slowly heading toward me, her mouth moving, her hand reaching toward the knife. I know what she is doing now. She trying to safely get the knife away from me so I don't 'hurt myself'. I ever so slightly touch the tip of the knife to my stomach. Mom jumps, but keeps on coming towards me. She is five steps away from me.

My heart begins to ache. It thumps so hard in my chest, I think it might break out of my chest. I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe? Am I dying? I think I might be dying. I feel myself sway and fall to the ground, the knife dropping beside me. Suddenly sound comes back. Mom is now next to me, calling for an ambulence. She is screaming, trying hard not to cry.

"Game over Rosalie," Ana says in usual cheeky voice.

As the world goes to black, I say to myself:

This is the end.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Just a reminder, we still have one more chapter and a Epilogue to go. What will happen?!**


	20. Chapter 20

********Hello again!**

**I missed SVU and I'm pissed off! All because I thought it was at its regular time slot, but it was pushed up so that NBC would fit the premiere of Chicago Fire in. :(**

**As I said though, let's knock these chapters out of the ballpark!**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW! (please?)**

**Here is Chapter 20!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 20:<p>

I have failed at everything. I failed at not eating. Failed at exercising, and even failed at dying. I had a heart attack and I didn't die. Now I am in a hospital bed, attached to IV's and a feeding tube that goes up my nose and drops into my belly, letting this horrible yellow-white sludge drip down into my body. Filling me up with fat fat fat. Ugly, disgusting fat. I can see my arms, my legs, and my belly being blown up like a balloon. Ana will never forgive me for that.

"You fat, ugly bitch! You don't deserve to live!" Ana screams, throwing the biggest tantrum ever. I try to take out the feeding tube, but everyone is watching my every move. Mom, the nurses and doctors. I can't do anything but lay in misery as I grow fatter and fatter.

I don't deserve to live...

_I don't deserve to live..._

Mom sits in a chair beside my bed. She watches me when I sleep, but won't even look at me when I'm awake. It bugs me. I hate the silence in the room.

"I'm going to get better Mom. Really I am,"

Nothing happens. Mom rubs her temples and still doesn't look at me.

"When I get out of here, maybe we can-"

"Just stop." Those are the first words she has said in days. "Just...stop,"

Back to the silence. I expect Ana to say something.

"Why should I help you, you fat pig," Was the response I got.

"Do you understand how sick you are?" Mom asks.

Here we go again. The 'Rosalie, I'm so scared for your life,' shit. All she'll do is explain how I am too skinny and need to get healthy. I try to cross my arms, but I can barely move them. I'm so tired. I can't do anything, but wait for Mom's speech, but she doesn't say it. She goes back to silence.

"Do you know that you can die any second now?" she suddenly says.

Yes. I can die in any moment, but I'm not scared. I want to die. I am ready to die. I am waiting for darkness to come over me so that I can just go in a quick peace.

"If you would just eat Rosalie, this all wouldn't be happening!" Mom suddenly cries. I am suddenly scared of her as she grabs my hand and talks in lower voice.

"Rosie, please stop this," A warm salty tear hits my arm and I flinch. She squeezes my hand tighter, crying harder. "Rosie, you have to stop this," she hiccups, biting her lip. "What do you want to eat? Anything you want, I'll bring it," she promises.

"I'm already being force-fed by this," I told her, pointing to the feeding tube. "Besides it is too late for me,"

"You selfish little girl. Selfish little brat," Ana sneers, suddenly returning.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Mom yells.

"I'm dying Mom, and there is nothing anyone can do,"

Mom goes deathly pale.

"Don't EVER talk like that again! You are not going to die! I won't let that happen," Mom cries angrily.

"People die Mom, it is a part of life," I keep pushing on. I want to stay strong as I talk, but I start to shake. Mom grabs my shoulders and says,

"It isn't your time! You are too young. Rosalie you can stop this. You can end it. You have to just eat, Rosie, just fucking eat. Please, please eat," Mom touches the side of my face. I shake my head.

"It's too late for me," I repeat, my voice hoarse and tired. "I've really fucked this one up, Mom. I'm going to die."

"We can fix this..."

"It's too late for that," I say quietly.

"Stop it! You're going to be fine,"

I hate how Mom keeps repeating that I will be fine, but I won't be.

"I found a place in New York. A wonderful inpatient treatment center. They have a bed available for you after we leave the hospital. You'll..."

"It won't work. The one in New Jersey didn't work, nor will this one,"

"You don't know that! We..."

"The doctor gave me a week to live, Mom," I tell her straight-foward.

"The doctor is full of bullshit," Mom fights back.

"My body is too far gone," I argue.

"That's a lie!" Mom screams.

Silence fills the room. Mom begins to pace back and forth across the room. I watch as my mother slowly breaks down into tears.

I promised her, when I was twelve and on the beach for my birthday that I was never going to leave her. I'm breaking that promise. I die, and she'll be all alone. I am her life...was her life. I'm ripping it away from her. I feel like crying too, but I need to keep going.

"Mom, I'm serious. I...I...I'm scared!" I cry. Mom runs over to me and I throw myself into her. Mom sobs as holds me in a death grip. I sob too, shaking like hell.

"I lied Mommy, I don't want to die. I'm too young!" I wail, my voice rattling the windows.

"I won't let you die baby. I won't let it happen," Mom gasps as she continues to hold me tight.

I try to tell her that I love her.

That I will try the new treatment center.

That I want to get better.

I try to talk, but suddenly my heart speeds up. It feels like my heart is going explode out of my chest. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe, but I can't.

"No! NO! Someone help!" I hear Mom scream.

"My heart…" Is all I can say. The machine I am hooked to goes wild. Nurses run into the room and try to help me. Mom is being pulled away from my bed.

"Bye, bye Rosalie," Ana whispers next to me.

As I follow a white light that suddenly appears in my vision, I say goodbye to my life.

I never became perfect.

I was born ugly...

And I _died_ ugly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Yes, I killed off Rosalie Benson. Don't kill me! (hides from internet pitchforks) **

**The Epilogue is the funeral in Olivia's POV. All I will tell you is that the Epilogue will be unforgettable.**


	21. Epilogue

********Hello again! Well gang, we have come to this. The last chapter of the Nightmare series. Out of all the chapters that I have written for the three stories, this one is my most favorite. I do hope that y'all love it too!**

**I just wanted to say, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed or read this story or the two others. You are all amazing!**

**My next stories are Broken which is a Law and Order CI story and Dolls which is not a fanfic story, although I am thinking about ****incorporating some Castle into it. :)**

**Well anyways, enjoy and REVIEW!**

**Here, for the last time, is the Epilogue!**

* * *

><p>Epilogue: Olivia's POV<p>

"I love you." I whispered for the last time. The rain poured down as Rosalie's coffin was lowered into the ground. "I always will."

I want to say so much more than that. I want to tell her that I miss her terribly and that all I want to do is hold her tight and never let go.

I don't want to believe that Rosalie is dead. It doesn't sound right. She should be alive, and there shouldn't be a funeral going on. There shouldn't be a stranger talking about a life taken too soon.

This can't be happening.

I did everything I could to help her and yet, I didn't save her. She died and I let it happen. I don't deserve to live after this. I am a horrible mother because I let my daughter die.

Tears fall fast down my cheeks. I swipe them away with tissues, but after a while, I just let them fall like the rain. Fast and hard. My colleagues squeeze my shoulder or pull me into a hug. They are just as shocked as I am over Rosalie's death. They never expected something like that to happen. I don't blame them.

Soon the funeral was over. People started to leave. None of the other detectives want to leave me alone, but I told them to go. I wanted to be alone with the grave of my daughter.

I don't care about the muddy earth as I go down on my knees in front of the gravestone. I stare at the name, my daughter's name on the stone and can't help but cry even more. I am alone again. Back to what my life was before Rosalie was born. No family, no boyfriend or husband, no kids, no anything. I hate it. I hate being alone. It hurts so much. It twists my heart like a towel being wrung out. When Rosalie died that day, a large chunk of my heart went with her. That, and my whole life and world.

"I know how you feel,"

I gasp and quickly look around but no one was there.

"John I swear to God, if this is one of your fucking tricks..." I start angrily.

"John and the rest are not here. They are in the parking lot, waiting for you,"

I shake my head. Am I hearing voices? This isn't good. I stand up and see that my dress now has mud stains from kneeling.

"Great," I mutter, trying to fix the problem with tissues.

"Is that how you would present yourself to your colleagues? God you are so disgusting!"

A pang of hurt fills my body. I grab makeup mirror from my purse and realize how disgusting I really am. My makeup is jacked up, my eyes are red, but what stands out is my cheeks. They look so...so...big. I quickly throw the mirror back into my purse. What was I doing? Shame on you Olivia for believing something from a random voice. It isn't true.

"Those cheeks of yours. God I remember someone who had those cheeks. Fat and puffy,"

Suddenly a woman, about my age, appeared in front of me. But…she wasn't there. Not really. I noticed was how skinny she was though. It was...beautiful.

"Do you know how fat and ugly you are Olivia?" she said to me, crossing her skinny arms.

"I look fine, thank you very much," I retort, looking away from her, but she appears in my vision again.

"Don't you want to be skinny though? Attractive maybe?" she asks coming closer to me.

"I don't need to listen to you," I snap back.

"Jesus Christ, you are stubborn! Alright, have it your way. Be fat. Be gross. Stay alone for the rest of your life!"

Another pang of hurt fills my body. I don't want to be alone. It scares me to be alone, without Rosalie in my life.

"With me, you won't be alone. I can help you Olivia. I can make you perfect. It takes a lot of hard work and determination, but I know we can do it! Together. What do you say? Don't you want to be happy?"

I start to cry again, I can't believe I am talking to this made-up, not real imagination...but I can't get rid of her. She seems to have glued herself to my mind and won't go away. Didn't Rosalie say that she had something similar? A girl named Ana? Could this be the Ana that killed my baby? No...it couldn't be. This Ana isn't evil and cruel. She seems like someone that will be there when I need her. She will be the one that will never leave me alone again. She will be my...friend. I wipe the tears from my eyes and say,

"Yes, I want to be happy,"

"Good," she purrs, smiling a cheeky sort of smile. "My name is Ana. Ana R. Xia,"

Suddenly I hear someone coming. I turn around and see Alex Cabot walk towards me. She came back to New York, from The Congo for the funeral.

"Hey Liv. How are you doing?" she asks.

"Fine," I respond.

"The guys, Amanda, and I are going for a bite to eat. Want to join us?"

"Lesson number one!" Ana suddenly speaks up. "Do you really want to add more to those love handles? To your arms and legs and cheeks? Think about what you're doing,"

I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment. When I open them again, I smile and say,

"I'm not hungry,"

"Good...We are going to be great friends," Ana says with a smile and a wink.

* * *

><p>THE END<p>

**A/N 2: And that my friends is the end of the Nightmare series. Good night everybody!**


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